God Sees You

“Store your treasures in heaven…” (Matthew 6:20, NLT)

Lisa had always been a hugger. She raised her kids to be huggers. But her stepdaughter, Kasey, recoiled at any physical affection. Lisa only wanted to connect with Kasey, but her attempts at bonding only seemed to push Kasey further away.

This situation between Lisa and Kasey is just one example of why it’s hard to be a stepmom. If Kasey were Lisa’s biological child, she would be used to Lisa’s hugs and know the heart behind them, even if physical touch wasn’t Kasey’s primary love language.

Instead, Lisa feels rejected. Kasey is disgusted. Both are confused and isolated. And that creates division in the home.

There are so many more examples of this kind of rubbing each other the wrong way. For example: jealousy of perceived privileges by stepsiblings, personality conflicts like introverts and extroverts or melancholy and sanguine, and even confused kids who live by two different sets of rules in two homes.

Sometimes these conflicts are so intense and ongoing that it’s tempting to give up on a relationship with a child. Some stepmoms are even tempted to give up on their marriage. You might wonder, What’s the point of family when there’s no connection?

Remember when Jesus told us to love our enemies and do good to those who despise us? (Luke 6:27). He goes on in that passage to say if we only love those who love us then we’re no different than the pagans.

There are two great reasons to keep trying to love the ones that are hard to love in your stepfamily.

First, love shares the Gospel. Loving others who are hard to love shows the grace of God. It gives the kind of impression that stays with people.

Second, sacrificial love honors God. When you love others without expecting anything in return, God sees the love in your heart, and it’s pleasing to Him. Even when you feel your attempts at love have failed, you are storing up treasures in heaven.

That doesn’t mean you have to live like a doormat with your stepkids and ex-spouses walking all over you. You can set boundaries and still exercise love and grace. But it may mean having tougher skin, learning to be patient while God works everything out, and giving up on some expectations.

This isn’t an easy way to live. But all these sacrifices will be rewarded, perhaps not in the way you expected, maybe even better.

So keep your eyes on God. We all know life throws us unexpected curve balls that disrupt our plans. But when we put our faith in Christ, He is the rock. No matter what storms come our way, we’ll stand firm (Matthew 7:24-27).

Reflection: What circumstances in your life are making you want to give up? What can help you keep your eyes on Christ and not on your struggles?