Managing Your Anger

Reflect on God’s Word

Proverb after proverb talks about the dangers of giving in to anger, to the extent that Proverbs 22:24 says, “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered.”

Is uncontrolled anger weighing you down?

Anger is an emotional state of mind that can range from mild irritation to uncontrolled rage. Some people describe anger as a “secondary emotion.” Unhealed hurts can lead to anger. So can unaddressed frustration and disappointment. For this reason, it is important to acknowledge what you are feeling so you can cast those cares on God.

It is normal to feel these emotions from time to time. But while we might feel these emotions, we need to remember that Colossians 3:8 gives us God’s word on managing anger: “But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.”

It is not enough to put anger to the side. God’s Word says to “rid yourselves.” Think of it like cleaning your closet. When you get rid of all the things you don’t need, not only can you find the things you do need, you also have space for better things.

This is what Philippians 4:8 suggests: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

If someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of lashing out in anger, turn on some music that brings your thoughts back to God. When your child causes you to feel anger boiling up inside, take a deep breath and focus on the last time they made you laugh.

Picture a pitcher full of soapy water. If the suds are your anger, continuing to pour in more soap will cause more and more bubbles to grow, but if instead you let pure, clear water flow into the pitcher, the suds will be pushed out until the pitcher is only full of that pure water.

God’s Word is that pure, clear water. Consider memorizing Scripture so that the Holy Spirit can bring those passages to mind when anger wants to fill you up.

James 1:19–20 says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

God knows how anger affects you and the people around you. He doesn’t want angry thoughts in your head, heart, body, or soul. Whether you need forgiveness or healing, God has it for you. Nothing is too hard for him. He does not judge you. He loves you. He is eager to help you manage your anger.

The hardest thing to do is to look in the mirror and ask God to examine your heart and mind. But once it’s revealed, you can heal. God wants to free you from anger’s grasp so you can live the life he created you for, one that is focused on him.

Release Your Anger

Start the process of releasing the anger that is controlling you by taking a deep breath and letting go of any tension in your body. Anger produces tension. As you relax your neck and shoulders, your back, your abdomen, and your legs, picture the anger being released from your body. Feel a quiet stillness come over you as you breathe deeply in and out.

Not only can God help you manage your anger, he can also help you understand why you are angry. Step away from your anger for a moment. Hold it in your hand, examine it, and ask God, “Where is my anger coming from?” Are you holding on to hurt from your past? Has an offense left you broken? Does the injustice in the world make your heart ache? Is your anger rooted in a conflict you are having with someone?

Take some time now to pray for those who have hurt or offended you. As you pray, reflect on how seeing others through Christ’s eyes offers peace, even within difficult circumstances or relationships. When conflict or tension arises in you, lift your struggle to Jesus. Feel his Spirit flooding your heart with his love and kindness, tenderly cultivating within you a heart that resembles his heart.

Maybe your anger is justified, is coming from an emotion or a hidden hurt, or is triggered by a circumstance, but responding in anger, rage, and malice only make things worse. Slander and filthy talk push you away from God, the very one who wants to—and who can—help you.

Ask God to reveal areas in your life where anger is hiding. It is hard to hear God’s word when you are holding on to anger, when the emotions that come with anger are wrapped around your heart. Envision yourself letting go of your anger and letting God take over. Remind yourself of God’s advice in Colossians 3:8 and put them all away, like shutting them in an iron cage and locking the door. Anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language, lock them all away. And then give God the key so you aren’t tempted to let them out again.

Dear heavenly Father, I know when I act on my anger it separates me from you. I feel it. That’s the last thing I want. I need your love, strength, guidance, and forgiveness in every area of my life. I give you my heart, mind, body, and soul. Clean out the junk in my life and replace it with all that is lovely and honorable and pure so there is no room for anger. Help me identify what is truly making me angry. In your strength, I don’t have to be weighed down by my anger any longer. I can live in your love, and regardless of how I feel, I can respond to everything and everyone in a way that glorifies you. In the name of Jesus I pray, amen.

JOURNAL PROMPT: Will you let God take you “behind the scenes” of your anger? Write down three things that have made you angry lately, and then ask yourself why you were angry in those situations. For each answer, ask why again until you think you’ve reached the root. Pray over each item.