Why Won’t You Fix It?

understanding - Why Won’t You Fix It?

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. James 3:13

Frustration rose in me (Teresa) every time something in our house needed repair or I wanted to start a home project and David wouldn’t help. I wanted us to work on projects together, but he always wanted to hire someone to do it. I couldn’t understand this.

David and I have had some of our most painful conflicts over David’s not wanting to help me hang pictures or wallpaper. It was easy for me to conclude that if David didn’t care to help hang a picture, he didn’t care about me. Even though I now see how such thinking was irrational, at the time the pain of it was very real. David would respond to my accusations that he didn’t care by saying that I took things too personally and that I blew things out of proportion. It took us much discussion to come to resolution and closure on this issue.

David finally told me one night that he felt inadequate in the “how-to” area. I began to see that he wasn’t just trying to get out of the work, and I came to a better understanding of my husband. As David communicated with me, I also began to realize that I had been comparing him to my father, who could fix everything. I was judging David, which wasn’t fair.

David and I had many extended discussions about my expectations and his perceived inadequacies. I was able to offer my husband comfort, and David was able to better see my need for his care in many areas. The communication we shared in this area brought us closer together on many levels.

What steps can you and your spouse take to better understand one another’s needs and areas of inadequacy?