Watching Your Thoughts And Speech

reproof - Watching Your Thoughts and Speech

We all make many mistakes, but those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way. James 3:2, NLT

In our work with couples, we see significant growth take place as couples allow God to change their “self-talk”—the way they talk to themselves. We encourage couples to take careful inventory of their thought life and the words that result. It’s these patterns of unhealthy self-talk that can lead to so many unnecessary conflicts in marriage.

A wife innocently declines her husband’s invitation to go for a walk. His self-talk says, “She never wants to do anything I want to do. She’d go if I were more important to her. Just wait until she asks me to do something with her!” His verbal response may be, “Never mind, I won’t ask again!”

A four-step process helps control self-talk and improve communication. First, think before you speak. Just because you think something doesn’t mean you have to say it. Next comes taking wrong thoughts “captive” as you share them with God. Sharing your thoughts with God helps you express your feelings and vent any inappropriate emotions and then gives Him time to remind you of the truth.

Now you are ready to replace these old thoughts with new ones that more adequately represent the truth: “My wife must be tired or may need time to relax. She did go to the boat show with me last weekend. That was clearly something I wanted to do. I know she loves me and thinks I’m important. I can use the time alone to think through some personal priorities.”

Finally, you are ready to speak words that edify: “While I take a walk, why don’t you do something you’ll enjoy? I’ll look forward to our being together when I get back.”

By working through this process, couples have found they “stumble” less in what they say and provoke fewer conflicts within their marriage.

What areas of self-talk might the Lord want to change in you?