What’s Your Name?

“Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.”

Did you grow up with a name nobody could spell or pronounce? Did you ever wish as a child that you could have a different name? I know I did. Even as an adult, I’ve sometimes struggled with my name. I worked for three years with a woman who regularly called me “Melissa.” Eventually, I got tired of correcting her and just let it be.

Even if you’ve dreamed of calling yourself something else, the reality of a name change is huge. Not only must you file reams of paperwork, but you must also somehow get everyone else around you to start calling you by your new name! If you’ve changed your name because of marriage or divorce, you know how complicated this seemingly small switch can be.

After Naomi lost her husband and two sons in quick succession, she wanted a name change. Her given name meant “sweetness,” but life had turned sour in a way she’d never expected. Nothing about her name seemed to fit her situation, and her name certainly didn’t reflect the person she felt she was now. When her friends welcomed her back to her hometown after years away, Naomi asked them to call her Mara instead, a name that meant “bitter.” Considering the disaster that had befallen her, Naomi thought the name was a better fit.

Each of us experiences an identity change after loss. You may be the oldest sibling now after being the middle child. You may be a widow or widower. You may be an orphan, having lost both of your parents. You may be a friend who feels like her sidekick is gone. However death shifts your relationships with others, it also changes your relationship with yourself. Loss renames you, and it hurts. You knew who you were before. Now you must find a new name.

Naomi’s preferred name, “Mara,” fit for a little while. For most of the book of Ruth, we watch Naomi grieve and plod along, facing each day with little enthusiasm for the tasks that lie ahead. Bitterness is her cup as she mourns her loss. However, as we read her story, we learn that Mara and Naomi are two names for the same woman. God has not abandoned her as she supposed. Instead, the woman who grieves is also the woman who can know joy. The last time we meet Naomi, she’s holding her baby grandson in her arms—a wild dream come true after so much heartache. She is learning to carry the bitterness and the sweetness in the same hand.

What would you call yourself today? Is your name Bitter? Despair? Longing? Tell God your name today, and ask him to give you a new name beyond the darkness of your grief. Whatever names you give yourself, to God, you are always called “Beloved.” His faithful love will hold you as your name and your identity change.

Now, this is what the LORD says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.”

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness.

A Prayer: Jesus, my loss has changed so much in my life that I struggle to recognize myself in the mirror. Sometimes I don’t know who I am anymore. Even my name doesn’t fit me like it used to. I believe that you have named me as your child and that your banner over me is love. As I go through this day, remind me of my truest name—Beloved of God—and help me to receive this name as my life’s supply. Let what you call me define me more than the names I give myself. Amen.

An Activity for Today: Imagine that your grief has a name. What is it today? Did it have a different name yesterday? Take a few moments with your eyes closed to picture grief as a person with a name. How does your grief stand and move? What does your grief’s face look like? In this quiet moment, introduce your grief to God. Invite them to meet and walk together with you. If your body feels tense, take a deep breath and relax through the exhale. God can befriend your grief when you cannot. He knows its name, and he knows yours too.

A Song to Encourage Your Heart: “You Know My Name” by Tasha Cobbs Leonard