The Temptation Of Living With Loss

I handed you a land for which you did not work, towns you did not build. And here you are now living in them and eating from vineyards and olive groves you did not plant.

Since Senator Henry Clay spoke the words in 1842, the American imagination has been captivated by the idea of the “self-made man.” We all love a rags-to-riches story. We’re conditioned from childhood to rub a little dirt in our wounds and get back in the game. We celebrate grit and the achievements that come with it.

Certainly, perseverance and tenacity are character qualities to be honored. Our world needs people who keep their word and stick with tough tasks until the very end. But if you think this method will serve you well in grief, you’ve got a rude awakening coming.

As Joshua neared the end of his life and ministry years, he called the Israelites together to offer his parting words. Much like his predecessor Moses, Joshua wanted to leave the people with important instructions about what to do next. They’d only just begun their new lives in the Promised Land. There was so much left to do to make this place the space God dreamed for it to be. Conquer enemies, build cities, cultivate the land so it flourishes.

As Joshua instructed the people, he didn’t just give them a to-do list of practical tasks. He reminded them of the temptations that come with building. It’s easy to get distracted, he warned. It’s easy to wrongly prioritize. Most of all, when you begin to see your new life rise beautifully before you, it will be easy to think you’ve done it all yourself. Eventually, Joshua knew that day would come. So he reminded the people: when you look at the richness of your life, remember that God has done it all.

One of the greatest temptations of living with loss is the subtle belief that sneaks in around our grief. We develop new friendships, rebuild our careers, and reconnect with activities that used to give us joy. As our lives grow around our loss, we can fall into the trap of the self-made man, believing we’ve done this all ourselves. People tell us, “You’re so strong,” and while we know it’s not true, we begin to forget that anything we’ve accomplished is only by God’s amazing grace.

Though the darkness now feels deep, someday you’ll look out over your life and see how far you’ve come. You’ll be tempted to think like the Israelites that this land you’ve cultivated is yours alone, that the olive groves and fields of your flourishing are due to your own stick-to-itiveness. Before that day comes, commit now to glorifying God for his work in your life. Every single moment of your survival and thriving after loss is a gift from him. Whether you realize it or not, that starts today.

Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!

Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who acts on behalf of those who wait for him.

A Prayer: God, all things come from you; nothing I hold in my hands is my own. Remind me of this truth as I rebuild my life today. Keep me from the temptation of the self-made man. I want to create a life after loss that honors my love for my person and honors you most of all. In everything I do today, let my life give you praise. Amen.

An Activity for Today: Rain or shine, it’s time for a sound walk today. Psalm 19 tells us that the heavens declare God’s glory. Creation has a voice, and your task is to listen to it sing today.

On your walk, first focus on the man-made sounds—cars moving past, lawn mowers humming, helicopters hovering. Thank God for his creativity manifested in the people he has made. All of those noises we consider loud (and sometimes obnoxious) are made by living, breathing, beloved creatures of God.

Next, listen beyond the human noise for creation’s sounds—the wind in the trees, cicadas on neighborhood lawns, birds calling to one another. All of these sing God’s praises in the language he gave them. The whole world shouts aloud that God is king, that he is Lord over all. Let this symphony bring you comfort today.

A Song to Encourage Your Heart: “Not to Us” by Chris Tomlin