Never-ending Sadness

All his sons and daughters came to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted.

The night we received word that my husband had died, I entered a season of shock. Even though I believed the news, the thought that my dear husband had fallen to his death on our family vacation defied all logic. These things weren’t supposed to happen! This couldn’t be true!

This kind of disorientation is common after loss. So when you read the story of Joseph’s capture in Genesis 37, you understand his father Jacob’s sorrow. Joseph, that cocky favored son, had shared his grandiose dreams with his brothers, much to their dislike. His brothers fomented a plot, and Joseph ended up carted away into slavery in Egypt, all while his father Jacob believed his favorite son had died in the grip of a wild beast. How could such a terrible thing happen?

Genesis 37 tells us that Jacob was undone when he learned of his son’s supposed death. He tore his clothes, dressed in mourning garb, and grieved for days on end. Such intense sorrow, no doubt, came along with all the physical manifestations of shock we now know attend such traumatic news. We can imagine Jacob wandering aimlessly, expecting Joseph’s voice, losing sleep, and crying until his body was exhausted.

In this shock, he refused comfort. His sons and daughters could not offer words of solace. Nothing could ease the crushing pain of unexpectedly losing the child he loved. “I will go to my grave mourning for my son,” Jacob said (Genesis 37:35, NLT), and he really meant it. Grief would follow him all the days of his life.

Whether your loved one’s death came by surprise or with warning, shock and acute distress are normal after loss. Disbelief can linger for months, and even the best attempts at comfort can feel totally inadequate. Jacob’s response to news of his son’s death isn’t overly dramatic; it’s natural and appropriate. Moreover, his response isn’t a display of weak faith. Yours isn’t either.

If you’re experiencing severe grief today, don’t feel like you need to stuff it down or run away from it. You can grieve deeply and fully, just like Jacob. As you do, turn to your sorrows with compassion. Offer yourself extra gentle care. God meets you in your weakness with his power and strength. He understands that you are dust, and he will breathe life into you again as the days go by. What you’ve experienced is earth shattering. It’s okay if your body, mind, and heart are struggling to take it all in.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

LORD, you are the God who saves me; day and night I cry out to you. May my prayer come before you; turn your ear to my cry. I am overwhelmed with troubles and my life draws near to death. I am counted among those who go down to the pit; I am like one without strength.

A Prayer: God, I can’t believe this has happened to me. I can’t believe all of the ways my person’s absence is going to affect my life. It feels like too much to take in right now. Some days I think I can make it, and other days seem impossible. I don’t think anything can really comfort me the way I need. Still, I believe that your Holy Spirit is the Comforter, a gift to me through faith in Jesus. As I wrestle with the reality of my loss, give me relief, support, and solace through your Spirit. Thank you for bearing this burden with and for me. Amen.

An Activity for Today: Assemble a simple comfort kit to access when you need care on the go. Grab a Ziploc bag, makeup bag, or grocery bag and fill it with a few items that bring you comfort. A small package of tissues, a tea bag of your favorite flavor, a peppermint or candy, a picture of you with your person, a note card with a Bible verse written on it, a small bottle of scented essential oil—whatever offers you relaxation or a sense of peacefulness. Place your comfort kit in your workbag or purse so that it is nearby if you need it when you’re out and about.

A Song to Encourage Your Heart: “Help My Unbelief” by Red Mountain Music