Surface-level Friendships Are Safer

“Come and hear, all you who fear God, and I will tell what he has done for my soul.” (Psalm 66:16, ESV)

“Generation after generation stands in awe of your work; each one tells stories of your mighty acts.” (Psalm 145:4, MSG)

“Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.” (James 1:22-24, NIV)

When friends ask me how I am doing, I typically respond with some version of “I’m fine.” For years I believed that perfectionism was the issue. I didn’t want people to think less of me if my life wasn’t all puppies and rainbows. Now, I think it’s less about keeping a perfect image and more about keeping to myself. As an only child you refine the art of working through things in your head. My habit is to move through life without the help of anyone else. Sometimes it just feels safer not to share—that’s typically my excuse. While isolation may feel safer—it won’t satisfy. Vulnerability is where real friendship begins.

It seems like small potatoes to pick and choose what we share with friends, but it’s the fertile ground where meaningful connection grows. Friends who meet us exactly where we are—not as finished versions of ourselves, but as works in progress who need real people to help point us to Jesus.

Vague and surface-level friendships flourish on shallow ground. But when we are vulnerable, two things happen:

1. We have accountability. I think of the man described in James 1, who looks at himself in the mirror and then walks away forgetting what he looks like (verse 23). A cautionary tale for hearing God’s Word and doing nothing about it. When I am open with my friends, they can hold me accountable. They can call things out that are not glorifying to God. Of course, this is scary! But it is valuable.
2. We encourage others. When we share about God’s faithfulness and work in our own lives— it encourages others in their dry and dark seasons. Our stories are for God’s people—they connect us.

We need to break the habit of settling for “fine” friendship and strive for real friendship. Don’t let the enemy convince you that people don’t care about what’s “really” going on with you. Also, don’t let the enemy keep you from sharing your own struggles.

See vulnerability as a chance to display Jesus at work in you and your ever-present need for Jesus’ salvation. It is so much more valuable for God’s community than presenting a shinier version of ourselves.

Prayer:

Lord, I am so afraid to share with my friends about what is really going on in my life. I am afraid they will turn away from me, judge me, or not like me anymore. Help me seek out safe and trusted friends who will love me and care for me as I am. Show me the friends that will support and encourage me as I journey through life making mistakes. And help me to listen, pray, and care for friends who share the real parts of their lives with me. Help me be a good steward of their stories. Amen.