Question 1

How does the Bible directly address the matter of virginity?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 24:16Rebekah was very beautiful and old enough to be married, but she was still a virgin. She went down to the spring, filled her jug, and came up again.Part of the positive description of Rebekah as a suitable wife for Isaac was her status as a virgin.Exodus 22:16“If a man seduces a virgin who is not engaged to anyone and has sex with her, he must pay the customary bride price and marry her.”Deuteronomy 22:13-29“Suppose a man marries a woman, but after sleeping with her, he turns against her and publicly accuses her of shameful conduct, saying, ‘When I married this woman, I discovered she was not a virgin.’ Then the woman’s father and mother must bring the proof of her virginity to the elders as they hold court at the town gate. Her father must say to them, ‘I gave my daughter to this man to be his wife, and now he has turned against her. He has accused her of shameful conduct, saying, “I discovered that your daughter was not a virgin.” But here is the proof of my daughter’s virginity.’ Then they must spread her bed sheet before the elders. The elders must then take the man and punish him. They must also fine him 100 pieces of silver, which he must pay to the woman’s father because he publicly accused a virgin of Israel of shameful conduct. The woman will then remain the man’s wife, and he may never divorce her. But suppose the man’s accusations are true, and he can show that she was not a virgin. The woman must be taken to the door of her father’s home, and there the men of the town must stone her to death, for she has committed a disgraceful crime in Israel by being promiscuous while living in her parents’ home. In this way, you will purge this evil from among you. If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil. Suppose a man meets a young woman, a virgin who is engaged to be married, and he has sexual intercourse with her. If this happens within a town, you must take both of them to the gates of that town and stone them to death. The woman is guilty because she did not scream for help. The man must die because he violated another man’s wife. In this way, you will purge this evil from among you. But if the man meets the engaged woman out in the country, and he rapes her, then only the man must die. Do nothing to the young woman; she has committed no crime worthy of death. She is as innocent as a murder victim. Since the man raped her out in the country, it must be assumed that she screamed, but there was no one to rescue her. Suppose a man has intercourse with a young woman who is a virgin but is not engaged to be married. If they are discovered, he must pay her father fifty pieces of silver. Then he must marry the young woman because he violated her, and he may never divorce her as long as he lives.”Virginity was treasured and protected by the laws of Israel, and those who treated it lightly or violated it were given severe punishment. Rape was punishable by death; seduction required marriage. The intent of severity was to protect marriage, discourage immorality, and promote pure living throughout society.

Question 2

What’s so important about remaining a virgin until marriage?

Accepted Answer

1 Corinthians 7:1-9Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust.Hebrews 13:4Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.As Paul describes the role of sexuality in marriage, it is clear that the full expression of our physical desires—sexual intercourse—is to be reserved for the commitment of marriage.1 Thessalonians 4:1-7Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you. You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more. For you remember what we taught you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor—not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. Never harm or cheat a fellow believer in this matter by violating his wife, for the Lord avenges all such sins, as we have solemnly warned you before. God has called us to live holy lives, not impure lives.The world’s attitude says, “If it feels good, do it.” God calls us to exercise self-control over our passions and our body. The fact that something feels good doesn’t mean that we should do it. Instead, if it honors God, do it. Practically, this avoids the health risks of illicit sex, but from a spiritual point of view, God designed marriage to be a picture of our relationship to him. Just as spiritual adultery is worshiping anything other than God, physical adultery is having sex with anyone who is not a spouse.Mark 10:6-9“But ‘God made them male and female’ from the beginning of creation ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”God created sex to form a permanent bond between a man and a woman in marriage. Virginity for those entering marriage helps ensure the integrity of this bond—that it will be strong and permanent.2 Timothy 2:21If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use. Your life will be clean, and you will be ready for the Master to use you for every good work.1 John 3:3All who have this eager expectation will keep themselves pure, just as he is pure.We are called to purity in every way, including our sexuality. Those pure in all areas of life can be used most effectively by God.

Question 3

Can God forgive me for not staying a virgin?

Accepted Answer

Acts 2:38Peter replied, “Each of you must repent of your sins and turn to God, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”Acts 13:38“Listen! We are here to proclaim that through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins.”God promises to forgive us when we sin. However, even after God has forgiven us, he may still allow us to experience the painful consequences of our sin. In the case of premarital sex, the consequences can be deep and long-term.1 Corinthians 6:9-11Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. Some of you were once like that. But you were cleansed; you were made holy; you were made right with God by calling on the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.The key phrase in Paul’s listing of sins that cut someone off from the Kingdom of God is found in verse 9:17: “Some of you were once like that.” The forgiveness God offers to those who repent is real and covers even sins we might consider completely disqualifying.