Question 1

What can cause me to overreact?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 20:9-11Then Abimelech called for Abraham. “What have you done to us?” he demanded. “What crime have I committed that deserves treatment like this, making me and my kingdom guilty of this great sin? No one should ever do what you have done! Whatever possessed you to do such a thing?” Abraham replied, “I thought, ‘This is a godless place. They will want my wife and will kill me to get her.’”Genesis 26:7-10When the men who lived there asked Isaac about his wife, Rebekah, he said, “She is my sister.” He was afraid to say, “She is my wife.” He thought, “They will kill me to get her, because she is so beautiful.” But some time later, Abimelech, king of the Philistines, looked out his window and saw Isaac caressing Rebekah. Immediately, Abimelech called for Isaac and exclaimed, “She is obviously your wife! Why did you say, ‘She is my sister’?” “Because I was afraid someone would kill me to get her from me,” Isaac replied. “How could you do this to us?” Abimelech exclaimed. “One of my people might easily have taken your wife and slept with her, and you would have made us guilty of great sin.”Basing our actions and reactions on assumptions and fears can cause us to overreact. Basing our actions on truth will bring a more accurate and acceptable response.Psalm 106:13-14Yet how quickly they forgot what he [the Lord] had done! They wouldn’t wait for his counsel! In the wilderness their desires ran wild, testing God’s patience in that dry wasteland.Forgetting God can cause us to overreact. When we forget that God is in control, we tend to take matters into our own hands.Judges 18:25The men of Dan said, “Watch what you say! There are some short-tempered men around here who might get angry and kill you and your family.”1 Samuel 25:17“You need to know this and figure out what to do, for there is going to be trouble for our master and his whole family. He’s so ill-tempered that no one can even talk to him!”Being impatient or short-tempered can cause us to overreact.Judges 15:1-10Later on, during the wheat harvest, Samson took a young goat as a present to his wife. He said, “I’m going into my wife’s room to sleep with her,” but her father wouldn’t let him in. “I truly thought you must hate her,” her father explained, “so I gave her in marriage to your best man. But look, her younger sister is even more beautiful than she is. Marry her instead.” Samson said, “This time I cannot be blamed for everything I am going to do to you Philistines.” Then he went out and caught 300 foxes. He tied their tails together in pairs, and he fastened a torch to each pair of tails. Then he lit the torches and let the foxes run through the grain fields of the Philistines. He burned all their grain to the ground, including the sheaves and the uncut grain. He also destroyed their vineyards and olive groves. “Who did this?” the Philistines demanded. “Samson,” was the reply, “because his father-in-law from Timnah gave Samson’s wife to be married to his best man.” So the Philistines went and got the woman and her father and burned them to death. “Because you did this,” Samson vowed, “I won’t rest until I take my revenge on you!” So he attacked the Philistines with great fury and killed many of them. Then he went to live in a cave in the rock of Etam. The Philistines retaliated by setting up camp in Judah and spreading out near the town of Lehi. The men of Judah asked the Philistines, “Why are you attacking us?” The Philistines replied, “We’ve come to capture Samson. We’ve come to pay him back for what he did to us.”Judges 16:28-30Then Samson prayed to the Lord, “Sovereign Lord, remember me again. O God, please strengthen me just one more time. With one blow let me pay back the Philistines for the loss of my two eyes.” Then Samson put his hands on the two center pillars that held up the temple. Pushing against them with both hands, he prayed, “Let me die with the Philistines.” And the temple crashed down on the Philistine rulers and all the people. So he killed more people when he died than he had during his entire lifetime.The need for revenge is a recipe for overreaction. The Lord says that vengeance is his job. In getting revenge, we retaliate in anger, which will only make matters worse.Esther 3:2, 5-6All the king’s officials would bow down before Haman to show him respect whenever he passed by, for so the king had commanded. But Mordecai refused to bow down or show him respect. . . . When Haman saw that Mordecai would not bow down or show him respect, he was filled with rage. He had learned of Mordecai’s nationality, so he decided it was not enough to lay hands on Mordecai alone. Instead, he looked for a way to destroy all the Jews throughout the entire empire of Xerxes.Pride can cause us to overreact. People with an inflated ego will do just about anything to protect their image.Genesis 4:3-5, 8When it was time for the harvest, Cain presented some of his crops as a gift to the Lord. Abel also brought a gift—the best portions of the firstborn lambs from his flock. The Lord accepted Abel and his gift, but he did not accept Cain and his gift. This made Cain very angry, and he looked dejected. . . . One day Cain suggested to his brother, “Let’s go out into the fields.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother, Abel, and killed him.Genesis 27:41From that time on, Esau hated Jacob because their father had given Jacob the blessing. And Esau began to scheme: “I will soon be mourning my father’s death. Then I will kill my brother, Jacob.”Genesis 37:4, 20, 22, 28His brothers hated Joseph because their father loved him more than the rest of them. They couldn’t say a kind word to him. . . . “Come on, let’s kill him and throw him into one of these cisterns. We can tell our father, ‘A wild animal has eaten him.’ Then we’ll see what becomes of his dreams!” . . . “Why should we shed any blood? Let’s just throw him into this empty cistern here in the wilderness. Then he’ll die without our laying a hand on him.” Reuben was secretly planning to rescue Joseph and return him to his father. . . . So when the Ishmaelites, who were Midianite traders, came by, Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt.1 Samuel 18:7-12This was their song: “Saul has killed his thousands, and David his ten thousands!” This made Saul very angry. “What’s this?” he said. “They credit David with ten thousands and me with only thousands. Next they’ll be making him their king!” So from that time on Saul kept a jealous eye on David. The very next day a tormenting spirit from God overwhelmed Saul, and he began to rave in his house like a madman. David was playing the harp, as he did each day. But Saul had a spear in his hand, and he suddenly hurled it at David, intending to pin him to the wall. But David escaped him twice. Saul was then afraid of David, for the Lord was with David and had turned away from Saul.Nehemiah 4:1Sanballat was very angry when he learned that we were rebuilding the wall. He flew into a rage and mocked the Jews.Mark 6:18-19John had been telling Herod, “It is against God’s law for you to marry your brother’s wife.” So Herodias bore a grudge against John and wanted to kill him. But without Herod’s approval she was powerless.Basing our actions and reactions on unhealthy emotions such as fear, jealousy, hatred, and anger can cause us to overreact. Good emotions such as love and joy can also cause us to overreact too. We should be careful that the passions of the moment don’t cloud our judgment.

Question 2

How might my overreactions affect other people?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 26:10“How could you do this to us?” Abimelech exclaimed. “One of my people might easily have taken your wife and slept with her, and you would have made us guilty of great sin.”Genesis 34:27-31Meanwhile, the rest of Jacob’s sons arrived. Finding the men slaughtered, they plundered the town because their sister had been defiled there. They seized all the flocks and herds and donkeys—everything they could lay their hands on, both inside the town and outside in the fields. They looted all their wealth and plundered their houses. They also took all their little children and wives and led them away as captives. Afterward Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have ruined me! You’ve made me stink among all the people of this land—among all the Canaanites and Perizzites. We are so few that they will join forces and crush us. I will be ruined, and my entire household will be wiped out!” “But why should we let him treat our sister like a prostitute?” they retorted angrily.Exodus 5:7-11“Do not supply any more straw for making bricks. Make the people get it themselves! But still require them to make the same number of bricks as before. Don’t reduce the quota. They are lazy. That’s why they are crying out, ‘Let us go and offer sacrifices to our God.’ Load them down with more work. Make them sweat! That will teach them to listen to lies!” So the slave drivers and foremen went out and told the people: “This is what Pharaoh says: I will not provide any more straw for you. Go and get it yourselves. Find it wherever you can. But you must produce just as many bricks as before!”Overreacting can hurt others physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We must remember that our actions can begin a chain of rash behaviors in others. Thus, we should think before acting or speaking.

Question 3

How can I avoid overreacting?

Accepted Answer

Joshua 22:11-13The rest of Israel heard that the people of Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh had built an altar at Geliloth at the edge of the land of Canaan, on the west side of the Jordan River. So the whole community of Israel gathered at Shiloh and prepared to go to war against them. First, however, they sent a delegation led by Phinehas son of Eleazar, the priest, to talk with the tribes of Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manasseh.To avoid overacting, we should be sure understand the facts before responding to a situation. If we can resist acting until we’ve considered the facts, the chances are good that we will react appropriately.Proverbs 17:27A truly wise person uses few words; a person with understanding is even-tempered.Proverbs 15:1A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.Proverbs 29:20There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking.James 1:19You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.To avoid overreacting, we should be quick to listen and slow to speak. When a verbal reaction is required, we should speak with control and wisdom to diffuse an argument rather than stir up angry emotions.Leviticus 19:18“Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against a fellow Israelite, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.”Proverbs 20:22Don’t say, “I will get even for this wrong.” Wait for the Lord to handle the matter.Proverbs 24:29Don’t say, “Now I can pay them back for what they’ve done to me! I’ll get even with them!”Romans 12:17Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable.1 Peter 2:23He did not retaliate when he was insulted, nor threaten revenge when he suffered. He left his case in the hands of God, who always judges fairly.1 Peter 3:9Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will grant you his blessing.To avoid overreacting, we should avoid taking revenge at all costs. Getting back at another person always makes things worse and demonstrates that we are just as bent on harm as the other party.Proverbs 16:32Better to be patient than powerful; better to have self-control than to conquer a city.Galatians 5:22-23The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.2 Peter 1:5-6Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness.To avoid overreacting, we should be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and allow him to influence our reactions so they will have the greatest positive affect. He will produce self-control.Jonah 4:3-4, 11“Just kill me now, Lord! I’d rather be dead than alive if what I predicted will not happen.” The Lord replied, “Is it right for you to be angry about this? . . . Nineveh has more than 120,000 people living in spiritual darkness, not to mention all the animals. Shouldn’t I feel sorry for such a great city?”To avoid overreacting, we should change our perspective and try to see life from God’s point of view. Overreaction is often the result of placing too much emphasis on ourselves and not enough on God.

Question 4

What are some other dangers of overreacting?

Accepted Answer

Numbers 20:8-12“You and Aaron must take the staff and assemble the entire community. As the people watch, speak to the rock over there, and it will pour out its water. You will provide enough water from the rock to satisfy the whole community and their livestock.” So Moses did as he was told. He took the staff from the place where it was kept before the Lord. Then he and Aaron summoned the people to come and gather at the rock. “Listen, you rebels!” he shouted. “Must we bring you water from this rock?” Then Moses raised his hand and struck the rock twice with the staff, and water gushed out. So the entire community and their livestock drank their fill. But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust me enough to demonstrate my holiness to the people of Israel, you will not lead them into the land I am giving them!”Luke 22:48-51Jesus said, “Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?” When the other disciples saw what was about to happen, they exclaimed, “Lord, should we fight? We brought the swords!” And one of them struck at the high priest’s slave, slashing off his right ear. But Jesus said, “No more of this.” And he touched the man’s ear and healed him.John 18:10-11Then Simon Peter drew a sword and slashed off the right ear of Malchus, the high priest’s slave. But Jesus said to Peter, “Put your sword back into its sheath. Shall I not drink from the cup of suffering the Father has given me?”When we overreact, we may end up interfering with God’s work rather than becoming instruments in God’s work.Genesis 4:6-7“Why are you so angry?” the Lord asked Cain. “Why do you look so dejected? You will be accepted if you do what is right. But if you refuse to do what is right, then watch out! Sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.”When we overreact, we may unintentionally allow further temptation and sin into our lives.Proverbs 14:29People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.Proverbs 19:2-3Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes. People ruin their lives by their own foolishness and then are angry at the Lord.When we overreact, we may create additional problems for ourselves and others, making us look foolish. We may end up calling attention only to our overreaction instead of dealing with the problem we wish to address.

Question 5

How should I respond when someone else overreacts?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 50:20“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.”1 Samuel 18:13-14Finally, Saul sent him away and appointed him commander over 1,000 men, and David faithfully led his troops into battle. David continued to succeed in everything he did, for the Lord was with him.Romans 8:28We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.When someone overreacts in our presence, we should trust God to care for us and help us respond with love toward that person. When treated wrongly, we should handle the situation in a way that honors God.Proverbs 12:16A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted.Proverbs 13:3Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.Proverbs 29:8Mockers can get a whole town agitated, but the wise will calm anger.When someone overreacts toward us, we should remain calm. We may be tempted to respond in kind and lash out, but we must control that impulse so that we do not make the situation worse.Ephesians 4:2Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love.When someone overreacts toward us, we should be humble and gentle.Acts 19:34-41When the crowd realized he [Paul] was a Jew, they started shouting again and kept it up for about two hours: “Great is Artemis of the Ephesians! Great is Artemis of the Ephesians!” At last the mayor was able to quiet them down enough to speak. “Citizens of Ephesus,” he said. “Everyone knows that Ephesus is the official guardian of the temple of the great Artemis, whose image fell down to us from heaven. Since this is an undeniable fact, you should stay calm and not do anything rash. You have brought these men here, but they have stolen nothing from the temple and have not spoken against our goddess. If Demetrius and the craftsmen have a case against them, the courts are in session and the officials can hear the case at once. Let them make formal charges. And if there are complaints about other matters, they can be settled in a legal assembly. I am afraid we are in danger of being charged with rioting by the Roman government, since there is no cause for all this commotion. And if Rome demands an explanation, we won’t know what to say.” Then he dismissed them, and they dispersed.When someone overreacts in our presence, we should be level-headed, relying on facts and logic.Esther 4:3, 7-8, 14, 16As news of the king’s decree reached all the provinces, there was great mourning among the Jews. They fasted, wept, and wailed, and many people lay in burlap and ashes. . . . Mordecai told him the whole story, including the exact amount of money Haman had promised to pay into the royal treasury for the destruction of the Jews. Mordecai gave Hathach a copy of the decree issued in Susa that called for the death of all Jews. He asked Hathach to show it to Esther and explain the situation to her. He also asked Hathach to direct her to go to the king to beg for mercy and plead for her people. . . . “If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” . . . “Go and gather together all the Jews of Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. My maids and I will do the same. And then, though it is against the law, I will go in to see the king. If I must die, I must die.”Esther 8:17In every province and city, wherever the king’s decree arrived, the Jews rejoiced and had a great celebration and declared a public festival and holiday. And many of the people of the land became Jews themselves, for they feared what the Jews might do to them.Esther 9:1So on March 7 the two decrees of the king were put into effect. On that day, the enemies of the Jews had hoped to overpower them, but quite the opposite happened. It was the Jews who overpowered their enemies.When someone overreactis, we should be willing to be God’s instrument in the situation.Proverbs 22:24-25Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.Proverbs 29:22An angry person starts fights; a hot-tempered person commits all kinds of sin.We should avoid spending time with those who consistently overreact, because we may get pulled into bad situations and start reacting as they do.