Question 1

Why is nagging so harmful to relationships?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 19:13A foolish child is a calamity to a father; a quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping.Proverbs 21:19It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.Proverbs 25:24It’s better to live alone in the corner of an attic than with a quarrelsome wife in a lovely home.Proverbs 27:15-16A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day. Stopping her complaints is like trying to stop the wind or trying to hold something with greased hands.Those who nag rarely provide pleasant companionship for others.

Question 2

What does nagging reveal about a person’s character?

Accepted Answer

Exodus 14:11They [the Israelites] said to Moses, “Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren’t there enough graves for us in Egypt? What have you done to us? Why did you make us leave Egypt?”Exodus 17:2-3So once more the people complained against Moses. “Give us water to drink!” they demanded. “Quiet!” Moses replied. “Why are you complaining against me? And why are you testing the Lord?” But tormented by thirst, they continued to argue with Moses. “Why did you bring us out of Egypt? Are you trying to kill us, our children, and our livestock with thirst?”Numbers 11:1, 4, 13, 20Soon the people began to complain about their hardship, and the Lord heard everything they said. Then the Lord’s anger blazed against them, and he sent a fire to rage among them, and he destroyed some of the people in the outskirts of the camp. . . . Then the foreign rabble who were traveling with the Israelites began to crave the good things of Egypt. And the people of Israel also began to complain. “Oh, for some meat!” they exclaimed. . . . “Where am I [Moses] supposed to get meat for all these people? They keep whining to me, saying, ‘Give us meat to eat!’” . . . “You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it. For you have rejected the Lord, who is here among you, and you have whined to him, saying, “Why did we ever leave Egypt?”’”Numbers 14:29“You will all drop dead in this wilderness! Because you complained against me, every one of you who is twenty years old or older and was included in the registration will die.”Numbers 21:5They [the Israelites] began to speak against God and Moses. “Why have you brought us out of Egypt to die here in the wilderness?” they complained. “There is nothing to eat here and nothing to drink. And we hate this horrible manna!”Deuteronomy 1:27“You complained in your tents and said, ‘The Lord must hate us. That’s why he has brought us here from Egypt—to hand us over to the Amorites to be slaughtered.’”Deuteronomy 6:16“You must not test the Lord your God as you did when you complained at Massah.”Nagging cam reveal a lack of trust and a lack of gratitude. Israel had been brutally enslaved in Egypt, but here they were complaining that they had ever left. God had miraculously protected Israel from the armies of Egypt, but here, Israel was complaining and predicting that they all would die fighting the Amorites. God provided manna to feed his people daily, but Israel complained about the menu and nagged Moses (and God) for meat. This behavior angered both Moses and God.Judges 14:15-17On the fourth day they said to Samson’s wife, “Entice your husband to explain the riddle for us, or we will burn down your father’s house with you in it. Did you invite us to this party just to make us poor?” So Samson’s wife came to him in tears and said, “You don’t love me; you hate me! You have given my people a riddle, but you haven’t told me the answer.” “I haven’t even given the answer to my father or mother,” he replied. “Why should I tell you?” So she cried whenever she was with him and kept it up for the rest of the celebration. At last, on the seventh day he told her the answer because she was tormenting him with her nagging. Then she explained the riddle to the young men.Judges 16:16She tormented him with her nagging day after day until he was sick to death of it.Nagging is often evidence of our own selfishness. To get what we want, we keep on wearing the other person down.

Question 3

What are some alternatives to nagging?

Accepted Answer

Galatians 5:26Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another.Instead of nagging, we should follow the Holy Spirit’s lead and not irritate one another.Ephesians 6:4Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.When giving guidance to our children, we are to discipline and instruct them by what we find in Scripture, but we must do so without exasperating them.Matthew 5:23-24“So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”Matthew 18:15“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”Luke 17:3-4“So watch yourselves! If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive. Even if that person wrongs you seven times a day and each time turns again and asks forgiveness, you must forgive.”2 Thessalonians 3:15Don’t think of them as enemies, but warn them as you would a brother or sister.Patterns of nagging and frustration can be addressed in an honest, heart-to-heart conversation. While explaining our own frustrations is part of this, seeking to understand the other person’s perspective and apologizing for our part in the conflict are equally important. After setting new expectations for moving forward, we must resist the urge to resume nagging—after all, he or she already knows what we want. If we want the other person to fulfill his or her responsibilities, we must first fulfill our responsibility by showing patience and respect.Proverbs 15:1A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.Galatians 6:1Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself.When giving helpful guidance to others, we are to be gentle and humble.

Question 4

Is nagging ever appropriate?

Accepted Answer

Deuteronomy 6:7“Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at home and when you are on the road, when you are going to bed and when you are getting up.”1 Thessalonians 4:1Finally, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus to live in a way that pleases God, as we have taught you. You live this way already, and we encourage you to do so even more.2 Timothy 4:2Preach the word of God. Be prepared, whether the time is favorable or not. Patiently correct, rebuke, and encourage your people with good teaching.Titus 1:9He must have a strong belief in the trustworthy message he was taught; then he will be able to encourage others with wholesome teaching and show those who oppose it where they are wrong.Titus 2:6In the same way, encourage the young men to live wisely.Titus 2:15You must teach these things and encourage the believers to do them. You have the authority to correct them when necessary, so don’t let anyone disregard what you say.Hebrews 10:24-25Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.While nagging always carries negative connotations, we do have a responsibility to positively, persistently, and patiently encourage and warn one another with God’s word to follow God’s ways.