Question 1

Why is mourning a loss important? What is its purpose?

Accepted Answer

Matthew 5:4“God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”2 Corinthians 7:10The kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.This statement by Jesus in the Beatitudes refers in some way to those who recognize their sins, are sorry for them, and have repented. This is the kind of mourning that Paul mentions as leading to salvation. Grieving over our sinful attitudes and actions shows that we recognize the reality of our sin and where it leads; it then also turns us toward God for his forgiveness and blessing.Nehemiah 1:3-4They said to me, “Things are not going well for those who returned to the province of Judah. They are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem has been torn down, and the gates have been destroyed by fire.” When I heard this, I sat down and wept. In fact, for days I mourned, fasted, and prayed to the God of heaven.When Nehemiah learned of the condition of the wall of Jerusalem, he was filled with grief. And this motivated him to act. Some people act as though a painful loss never occurred—they simply deny it and put on a happy face. Mourning a loss helps us deal with the realities we face and allow us to move on to helpful action.Hebrews 4:15-16This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.We should mourn the losses in our lives: cultural setbacks, competitions, opportunities, relationships, even material possessions—and especially, the death of loved ones. Healthy sorrow helps us remember the importance of the loss, but it should move us toward the true Source of comfort, our loving Savior. Jesus experienced “all of the same testings we do”—he knows what we are experiencing. So, our grief should move us to “come boldly to the throne of our gracious God.”

Question 2

What is the difference between mourning and grieving?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 37:34-35Then Jacob tore his clothes and dressed himself in burlap. He mourned deeply for his son for a long time. His family all tried to comfort him, but he refused to be comforted. “I will go to my grave mourning for my son,” he would say, and then he would weep.Isaiah 61:1-3The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.Mark 16:9-11After Jesus rose from the dead early on Sunday morning, the first person who saw him was Mary Magdalene, the woman from whom he had cast out seven demons. She went to the disciples, who were grieving and weeping, and told them what had happened. But when she told them that Jesus was alive and she had seen him, they didn’t believe her.Usually, grief and grieving refer to a person’s emotions, what he or she is feeling inside. Mourning usually refers to a person’s actions as a result of what he or she is feeling: weeping, crying aloud, even tearing clothes. That is why we read, “He was despised and rejected—a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief” (Isaiah 53:3) and “You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy” (Psalm 30:11).

Question 3

What are some ways I should mourn?

Accepted Answer

Luke 19:41-42As they came closer to Jerusalem and Jesus saw the city ahead, he began to weep. “How I wish today that you of all people would understand the way to peace. But now it is too late, and peace is hidden from your eyes.”We should not hesitate to mourn with tears. Jesus wept over Jerusalem.2 Corinthians 7:10The kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.James 4:9-10Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.If we are truly sorry for our sins, we should mourn by humbly confessing them to God and turning away from them.1 Thessalonians 4:13-14Now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.We can grieve and mourn when a loved one dies, but we should not “grieve like people who have no hope.” For them, this is the end. But we know that we will see our believing grandparent, parent, child, or other loved one again in heaven. So we can look up and even smile through our tears, secure in the reality of God’s promise.

Question 4

How can I comfort others who are mourning?

Accepted Answer

Psalm 116:15The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die.We can assure them that God loves them and cares for them in this time of grief.Psalm 23:4Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.Psalm 34:18The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.Psalm 119:49-50Remember your promise to me; it is my only hope. Your promise revives me; it comforts me in all my troubles.We can assure them that God is close to them and will comfort them through his presence and promises.Nehemiah 8:10Nehemiah continued, “Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!”Psalm 30:5Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.Romans 12:15Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep.By acknowledging the grief of others and even weeping with them, we can assure them that they will again know the “joy of the Lord.”1 Corinthians 15:51-55Let me reveal to you a wonderful secret. We will not all die, but we will all be transformed! It will happen in a moment, in the blink of an eye, when the last trumpet is blown. For when the trumpet sounds, those who have died will be raised to live forever. And we who are living will also be transformed. For our dying bodies must be transformed into bodies that will never die; our mortal bodies must be transformed into immortal bodies. Then, when our dying bodies have been transformed into bodies that will never die, this Scripture will be fulfilled: “Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”We can remind them that death doesn’t have the final word, that God has defeated death, and that all who trust in Christ will live forever.2 Corinthians 4:17-18Our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.We can remind them that this life with all its “troubles” is short, but God’s glory and our life with him will last forever.Revelation 21:4“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”We can celebrate with them because eventually all tears, death, sorrow, crying, and pain will be gone in God’s eternal Kingdom.

Question 5

When is the right time to end my time of mourning?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 50:10When they arrived at the threshing floor of Atad, near the Jordan River, they held a very great and solemn memorial service, with a seven-day period of mourning for Joseph’s father.Deuteronomy 34:7-8Moses was 120 years old when he died, yet his eyesight was clear, and he was as strong as ever. The people of Israel mourned for Moses on the plains of Moab for thirty days, until the customary period of mourning was over.2 Samuel 12:21-23His [David’s] advisers were amazed. “We don’t understand you,” they told him. “While the child was still living, you wept and refused to eat. But now that the child is dead, you have stopped your mourning and are eating again.” David replied, “I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, ‘Perhaps the Lord will be gracious to me and let the child live.’ But why should I fast when he is dead? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me.”Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. . . . A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance.Clearly, “there is a season, a time . . . to grieve.” For some that may be relatively brief. The usual time for mourning in the days of the Israel’s patriarchs seems to have been seven days (see Genesis 50:10); but the mourning period at Moses’ death was thirty days, and David’s mourning for the loss of his child stopped much sooner. But from all these cases, it is clear that eventually the time of outward mourning should end. This does not mean we will ever get over losing our loved ones—they will always be with us in our memories, especially in certain places and on special days. But we should get on with life, living with hope and serving God with joy.

Question 6

How should I approach the mourning of a loved one?

Accepted Answer

Genesis 23:1-2When Sarah was 127 years old, she died at Kiriath-arba (now called Hebron) in the land of Canaan. There Abraham mourned and wept for her.We can expect that the loss of a loved one will prompt deep and difficult emotions. We should never be afraid to express those emotions visibly.Deuteronomy 34:8The people of Israel mourned for Moses on the plains of Moab for thirty days, until the customary period of mourning was over.When Moses died, the Israelites set aside thirty days for doing nothing but mourning. Certainly their time of grief went well beyond the first month. Likewise for us, we need to take time for mourning and then expect that grief will continue with us even as we get back into our routines. Often, after the death of a child, spouse, or parent, intense sorrow will persist for a year or more. We shouldn’t be surprised if it takes a long time. During the dark valley of shadow, we should walk with God, remembering that he walks with us.Psalm 30:5Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.Scripture assures us that mourning will not continue forever. While we may always have a sense of loss, we can expect that the pain will eventually subside.John 11:33-35When Jesus saw her weeping and saw the other people wailing with her, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. “Where have you put him?” he asked them. They told him, “Lord, come and see.” Then Jesus wept.Even Jesus mourned, and we can know and take comfort that he mourns with us.Revelation 21:4“He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”We eagerly look forward to the eternal life God’s promises, where the pain of death and mourning will be permanently eliminated.