Question 1

What is gossip?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 11:13A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.Gossip is unconfirmed information about a person or group. A person called a “gossip” is someone who spreads that information. Some Scriptures about gossip mention “telling secrets.” In other words, sometimes the information being spread is true, or at least partly true, though it was shared in confidence. The truth of a secret doesn’t make gossiping about it right.Proverbs 16:28A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends.One type of gossip accuses someone of saying something against another person. This sort of gossip can be planted to undermine a perfectly good friendship. Left unchecked, such gossip can destroy a relationship and completely undermine a community’s unity.Proverbs 20:19A gossip goes around telling secrets, so don’t hang around with chatterers.Some people can’t stop talking; they are “chatterers.” And often their conversations are filled with gossip—idle chatter. We need to confront such people as they spread gossip.

Question 2

Why do people gossip?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 26:22Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.Called here “dainty morsels,” the gossip information—unconfirmed “rumors”—seem so interesting, outrageous, or exciting that we feel almost compelled to pass them on. And having this inside information can make us feel significant, important. We need to resist the temptation to participate.Romans 1:29-32Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They invent new ways of sinning, and they disobey their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, are heartless, and have no mercy. They know God’s justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die, yet they do them anyway. Worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too.Gossip is included in this list of “every kind of wickedness,” so we see that it is sinful and a serious offense against God and others. As with the additional listed sins, people often gossip to hurt people, spreading false rumors about them.1 Timothy 5:13If they are on the list, they will learn to be lazy and will spend their time gossiping from house to house, meddling in other people’s business and talking about things they shouldn’t.For some, gossiping is almost a hobby. Seemingly having nothing better to do, they spend time “meddling in other people’s business.”

Question 3

Why is gossip so bad?

Accepted Answer

James 1:26If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless.James 3:3-6We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.What comes out of our mouths shows what is in our hearts. A person’s words show what kind of person they really are. Gossip, criticism, flattery, lying, and profanity are not only word problems, but heart problems as well. Being more careful with our words isn’t enough. First, we need a change of heart—then good, kind, and healing words will follow.Leviticus 19:16“Do not spread slanderous gossip among your people.”Gossip is specifically forbidden by God.Proverbs 11:13A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.Gossips make poor friends. Gossips are demolition experts, trying to tear people down. Trustworthy friends form strong foundations to their relationships and build people up.Romans 1:29Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip.God lists gossip along with other terrible sins, including greed, hate, envy, and murder.1 Timothy 5:13They will learn to be lazy and will spend their time gossiping from house to house, meddling in other people’s business and talking about things they shouldn’t.Gossip often grows out of idleness, when we have nothing better to do than sit around talking about other people. Then we wind up saying things we later regret.Matthew 7:1“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged.”Gossip puts us in the position of judging others, which is also a sin. In a court of law, rumors and opinions are not allowed because they might unjustly sway the opinion of the jury. When we gossip, we turn our living rooms into courtrooms where we sit as judge and jury. This allows rumor and opinion to color and often damage the reputations of others who have no chance to clarify the situation or defend themselves.Proverbs 18:8Rumors are dainty morsels that sink deep into one’s heart.Gossip is quickly and easily swallowed. Once swallowed, gossip’s poison seeps deep into our thoughts and our relationships.

Question 4

How do I know when I have crossed the line into gossip?

Accepted Answer

Psalm 15:1-3Who may worship in your sanctuary, Lord? Who may enter your presence on your holy hill? Those who lead blameless lives and do what is right, speaking the truth from sincere hearts. Those who refuse to gossip or harm their neighbors or speak evil of their friends.Gossip is about someone else, and it often involves spreading unconfirmed information. Here, David highlights the importance of “speaking the truth” and being “sincere.” At times, giving information about someone else could be helpful to that person (for example, asking for prayer). Before sharing any tidbit with anyone, however, we should first check our motives: Do we have the other person’s best interests at heart, or are we just trying to enhance our status? We should also know that the information is true and not a rumor.Proverbs 25:9-10When arguing with your neighbor, don’t betray another person’s secret. Others may accuse you of gossip, and you will never regain your good reputation.In a heated discussion, we can be tempted to blurt out something that was told to us in confidence. That may score points in the argument, but it will betray our friend. So we should restrain ourselves from spreading information that is not ours to share.Ephesians 4:25So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.We definitely should not lie. So spreading information we aren’t sure about, which includes hearsay and rumors, is always wrong—it could literally be a lie. But even true information may not be ours to pass along.Philippians 4:8Now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.The focus of our thoughts and conversation should be whatever is “excellent and worthy of praise.”

Question 5

How do I stop gossip when I hear it?

Accepted Answer

Proverbs 26:20Fire goes out without wood, and quarrels disappear when gossip stops.Make the gossip chain stop with you! When we hear gossip, we can decide not to spread it. We can smother gossip with a kind word about the victim or simply change the conversation. Or we can confront it for what it is and tell someone not to spread it any further. If we do, the flames will be robbed of their fuel.Deuteronomy 13:14“In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully.”If we are concerned about something we have heard, we must look carefully into the matter without assuming we have the truth. We should go to the source and get the facts straight before sharing our concerns.Matthew 7:12“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.”The Golden Rule can be applied to our speech: “Talk about others in the same way you would like them to talk about you.”Ephesians 4:29Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.It’s really true—what we spend most of our time thinking about is what we end up doing. When we are tempted to complain, we should train ourselves instead to pray. When we’re tempted to gossip about someone, we should encourage and help someone instead.Colossians 3:17Whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.When we are tempted to gossip, we should ask ourselves, “Does the person I’m speaking to need to know this information? Is it true and accurate, and would telling it be helpful to everyone involved?”Psalm 141:3Take control of what I say, O Lord, and guard my lips.Exercising self-control over our words involves not only not saying what we shouldn’t say, but saying what we should say. For example, we shouldn’t gossip. But we should speak up when we see injustice; we should encourage those who are down; and we should praise God every day. What comes out of our mouth most often reveals what is in our heart. We can ask a friend to hold us accountable for our words.