Question 1

What is necessary in an apology?

Accepted Answer

1 Kings 8:47“But in that land of exile, they might turn to you in repentance and pray, ‘We have sinned, done evil, and acted wickedly.’”2 Chronicles 34:27“You were sorry and humbled yourself before God when you heard his words against this city and its people. You humbled yourself and tore your clothing in despair and wept before me in repentance. And I have indeed heard you, says the Lord.”Psalm 38:18I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done.Isaiah 22:12The Lord, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies, called you to weep and mourn. He told you to shave your heads in sorrow for your sins and to wear clothes of burlap to show your remorse.Jeremiah 8:6“‘I listen to their conversations and don’t hear a word of truth. Is anyone sorry for doing wrong? Does anyone say, “What a terrible thing I have done”? No! All are running down the path of sin as swiftly as a horse galloping into battle!’”Jeremiah 31:19“‘I turned away from God, but then I was sorry. I kicked myself for my stupidity! I was thoroughly ashamed of all I did in my younger days.’”Jeremiah 44:10“To this very hour you have shown no remorse or reverence. No one has chosen to follow my word and the decrees I gave to you and your ancestors before you.”A sincere apology includes remorse, confession, and repentance offered in the spirit of humility.

Question 2

Why is apologizing so important?

Accepted Answer

Isaiah 57:15The high and lofty one who lives in eternity, the Holy One, says this: “I live in the high and holy place with those whose spirits are contrite and humble. I restore the crushed spirit of the humble and revive the courage of those with repentant hearts.”A true apology takes genuine humility. It requires that we realize our fault and admit it to someone else. We can be tempted to pretend the offense never happened, to try to cover it up, or to avoid the other person. These are signs that our heart is proud and averse to taking responsibility for our actions. Refusing to apologize can have devastating consequences: sour relationships, bitterness, isolation, rage, guilt. But through an apology we can experience reconciliation, forgiveness, healing, and courage. These blessings come with a tender conscience and a humble heart. Lasting change can begin only in someone who is humble. At the moment we admit our fault and ask forgiveness, we will begin to experience God’s healing in ourselves and our relationships.Psalm 41:4“O Lord,” I prayed, “have mercy on me. Heal me, for I have sinned against you.”Proverbs 28:13-14People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy. Blessed are those who fear to do wrong, but the stubborn are headed for serious trouble.Luke 15:21“His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’”Luke 24:47“It was also written that this message would be proclaimed in the authority of his name to all the nations, beginning in Jerusalem: ‘There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent.’”James 5:16Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.Through an apology we receive forgiveness, mercy, healing, refreshment, and courage. In confessing our sins to God, we receive eternal life! Refusing to apologize will prevent us from receiving all these gifts. Even after confession and forgiveness, we often still experience the consequences of our wrong actions because they have already been set in motion; the harm has already been done. But God’s forgiveness restores our relationship with him.

Question 3

To whom should I apologize?

Accepted Answer

1 Chronicles 21:8Then David said to God, “I have sinned greatly . . . Please forgive my guilt for doing this foolish thing.”Psalm 51:4Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight.First, we should apologize to God. Any wrong we do saddens our Creator who desires our obedience. Sometimes we sin only against God. Our thought life is an example. We should be sure to confess these sins to him. He will always forgive.Matthew 18:15“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.”Luke 15:18“I will go home to my father and say, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you.’”When we have done something wrong that has hurt someone else, we need to apologize to that person. An apology may not remove the consequences of our actions, but it will make room for forgiveness, remove some of the pain, and bring about a restoration of the relationship. This will give us a clear conscience and a fresh start.

Question 4

When should I apologize?

Accepted Answer

1 Samuel 25:32-34David replied to Abigail, “Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you to meet me today! Thank God for your good sense! Bless you for keeping me from murder and from carrying out vengeance with my own hands. For I swear by the Lord, the God of Israel, who has kept me from hurting you, that if you had not hurried out to meet me, not one of Nabal’s men would still be alive tomorrow morning.”Hebrews 12:17You know that afterward, when he wanted his father’s blessing, he was rejected. It was too late for repentance, even though he begged with bitter tears.Revelation 2:21“I gave her time to repent, but she does not want to turn away from her immorality.”We should apologize as soon as we realize that we have done something wrong. Timing is critical for an apology; it is never too early to seek forgiveness, but it may be too late. If we need to apologize to someone, we shouldn’t wait!Leviticus 5:5“When you become aware of your guilt in any of these ways, you must confess your sin.”Proverbs 14:9Fools make fun of guilt, but the godly acknowledge it and seek reconciliation.Matthew 5:23-24“So if you are standing before the altar in the Temple, offering a sacrifice to God, and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God.”God often uses the feeling of a guilty conscience to help us realize that we need to apologize. Are you feeling badly about something you said or did to hurt another person? Do your feelings keep tugging at you? Right now is the time to apologize.

Question 5

How should I apologize?

Accepted Answer

Numbers 14:19-20“In keeping with your magnificent, unfailing love, please pardon the sins of this people, just as you have forgiven them ever since they left Egypt.” Then the Lord said, “I will pardon them as you have requested.”2 Chronicles 34:27“‘You were sorry and humbled yourself before God when you heard his words against this city and its people. You humbled yourself and tore your clothing in despair and wept before me in repentance. And I have indeed heard you, says the Lord.’”Psalm 38:18I confess my sins; I am deeply sorry for what I have done.Acts 23:5“I’m sorry, brothers. I didn’t realize he was the high priest,” Paul replied, “for the Scriptures say, ‘You must not speak evil of any of your rulers.’”“I’m sorry” is a great place to start any apology. Admitting we are wrong and sincerely feeling bad about what we have done or said shows humility and a desire to change. It opens the door to forgiveness and restoration.Luke 15:21“His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’”We should apologize with honestly and humility. We should not try to justify our words or actions or blame others. Instead, we need to take ownership of our wrongs and seek forgiveness, regardless to how the other person responds.Exodus 22:1“If someone steals an ox or sheep and then kills or sells it, the thief must pay back five oxen for each ox stolen, and four sheep for each sheep stolen.”1 Samuel 12:3“Now testify against me in the presence of the Lord and before his anointed one. Whose ox or donkey have I stolen? Have I ever cheated any of you? Have I ever oppressed you? Have I ever taken a bribe and perverted justice? Tell me and I will make right whatever I have done wrong.”Luke 19:8Zacchaeus stood before the Lord and said, “I will give half my wealth to the poor, Lord, and if I have cheated people on their taxes, I will give them back four times as much!”An apology may need to include restitution. Sometimes we must overcompensate for a wrong to show that our apology is sincere.Jeremiah 3:10“But despite all this, her faithless sister Judah has never sincerely returned to me. She has only pretended to be sorry. I, the Lord, have spoken!”Before saying the words of apology, we need to make sure we really mean them. Otherwise, when our real motives come to light, nothing will have changed or been accomplished.

Question 6

How should I accept an apology?

Accepted Answer

2 Samuel 12:13Then David confessed to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” Nathan replied, “Yes, but the Lord has forgiven you, and you won’t die for this sin.”Psalm 51:17The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.The Lord welcomes a broken and repentant heart. He is quick to forgive and offer mercy. God’s merciful response shows us how we should respond when someone apologizes to us.Luke 15:20-24“So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began.”Luke 17:3“So watch yourselves! If another believer sins, rebuke that person; then if there is repentance, forgive.”When someone apologizes, we can be tempted to punish the person further, to lash out in anger for what he or she has done, to prolong the suffering. But in Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son, the Father not only forgives at once, but he also calls for a party to celebrate a great event in his son’s life—being restored to his family. True forgiveness is not grudging or sparing but joyful, generous, and healing.

Apologize