How do I show love to someone who has had an abortion?
Psalm 51:1-3Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.
Ephesians 4:31-32Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Colossians 3:13Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.
Many women experience lasting grief and shame over their abortion, and they are afraid to share about their abortion for fear of being judged and rejected. This isolation makes the burden of grief and shame all the harder to bear. As Christians, we recognize the severity of sin—but we also recognize the depths of God’s mercy. Offering a grieving woman the same grace God offers us is a wise place to start.
Galatians 6:2Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.
James 1:19Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
1 Peter 3:8All of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters. Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude.
If a woman trusts you enough to share that she has had an abortion, don’t take that trust lightly. Abortion is a terrible sin—but she likely already knows that and feels that guilt. What she needs most is someone who cares enough to be there for her in the aftermath. Listen to her heartache, and take time to ponder what she tells you. Show her that you still love her. Through you, she may begin to realize God still loves her too.
Psalm 51:2-3Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.
Malachi 4:6His preaching will turn the hearts of fathers to their children.
Matthew 27:24Pilate saw that he wasn’t getting anywhere and that a riot was developing. So he sent for a bowl of water and washed his hands before the crowd, saying, “I am innocent of this man’s blood. The responsibility is yours!”
Abortion is considered a women’s issue, but men also experience guilt and grief for abortion. Some men encouraged—or pressured—their wives or girlfriends to abort. Others “washed their hands” of the pregnancy, leaving the woman to sort it out herself. Others tried to persuade the woman to keep the baby, but the woman had the abortion anyway. In either case, men often feel guilt, shame, grief, anger, and helplessness because of an abortion. This pain is rarely acknowledged, leaving men isolated and unsure of how to process their emotions. Many get the impression that their feelings on abortion don’t matter, so they try to stifle those feelings, which is unhealthy. If you are given the opportunity to listen to the pain of a man whose child has been aborted, respect that pain. Encourage him to process it with you. He may not be getting that opportunity anywhere else.
Matthew 13:15“For the hearts of these people are hardened, and their ears cannot hear, and they have closed their eyes—so their eyes cannot see, and their ears cannot hear, and their hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to me and let me heal them.”
John 14:6Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.”
1 Corinthians 5:12It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders.
Unbelievers do not have the same convictions and accountability as believers. Often, people are bold and unrepentant about abortion. Sometimes, this is a false front meant to stifle guilt, but other times it’s a genuine belief that abortion is good and right. When facing such a hardened heart, arguing about abortion may not be the best way to love that person. That person’s greatest need is to know Jesus. If they come to truly know Jesus, everything else will follow in time.
Genesis 3:7-8At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame . . . So they hid from the Lord God among the trees.
2 Corinthians 7:10The kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.
1 John 4:18Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.
It’s healthy and normal to feel guilty about sin. However, abortion is a heavy sin to carry—and many fear it’s too heavy a burden for God to take away. Due to fear and shame, people who have had abortions often distance themselves from God just as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden.
2 Samuel 12:9“Why, then, have you despised the word of the Lord and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife.”
Psalm 32:3-5When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long. . . . Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
Psalm 51:1-3Have mercy on me, O God, because of your unfailing love. Because of your great compassion, blot out the stain of my sins. Wash me clean from my guilt. Purify me from my sin. For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night.
Psalm 51:16-17You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one. You do not want a burnt offering. The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
Women who have had an abortion—and the men who encouraged them to do so—often struggle with deep guilt and shame. Like David, they are haunted by regret. But regret is pointless if it never leads to repentance. God doesn’t want us to punish ourselves for our guilt. He wants us to confess our sin, learn from our mistakes, and move forward with fresh commitment. Encourage your friend who has had an abortion to approach God as David did: humble, grieving, repentant, and trusting God’s forgiveness.
Matthew 26:74-75Peter swore, “A curse on me if I’m lying—I don’t know the man!” And immediately the rooster crowed. Suddenly, Jesus’ words flashed through Peter’s mind: “Before the rooster crows, you will deny three times that you even know me.” And he went away, weeping bitterly.
Philippians 1:6I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.
1 Timothy 1:15-16This is a trustworthy saying, and everyone should accept it: “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners”—and I am the worst of them all. But God had mercy on me so that Christ Jesus could use me as a prime example of his great patience with even the worst sinners. Then others will realize that they, too, can believe in him and receive eternal life.
David committed adultery and murder. Paul killed and imprisoned Christians. Peter abandoned Jesus at his darkest hour. Each of these people could have lived lives consumed by guilt and regret, but instead they embraced the forgiveness they were offered—and because of that, God used them to bless many people. It’s impossible to change our past mistakes, but we can still choose to trust God with our future. We can confidently encourage our friends that God is still at work in their lives, even after an abortion.
