When There Isn’t A Place For The Wedding Portrait

The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble.

He cares for those who trust in him.

(Nahum 1:7)

Recently a moving truck pulled up to the front of my friend’s house. Sometimes moving signifies something exciting and new. Sometimes it doesn’t.

This move signified an end. A few hours into the process of emptying her home, one of the movers carried out her wedding portrait. “You want the photographs in the stairwell to go with us, or are you taking those separately in your vehicle?” he asked.

She turned from unhooking the front porch swing. “I’ll be taking those separately,” she said, the irony not escaping her. Separately. That was how she’d be living her life now. Separate from the neighborhood where her kids had grown up. Separate from her husband. Separate from the way she thought her life would be.

She took the wedding portrait from the mover and a feeling of confusion washed over her heart and mind. She sat down on the front steps and called me. Through her tears she said, “I don’t know what to do with this portrait. What do you do with the things that have no place anymore? We built a life together and now there’s no more together. There isn’t a place for that in my mind. What am I going to do?”

I knew better than to throw out a quippy little bit of Christianese. I once had someone tell me as I stood over my dying sister’s bedside, “You just have to let go and let God.” I knew the person meant well. But, honestly, it infuriated me. No, I wouldn’t throw out something just to fill the uncomfortable silence. Trite sayings weren’t going to help my friend. Well-meaning phrases weren’t going to crawl in bed with her tonight and hold her broken heart threatening to beat out of her chest.

That would be like holding out a bottle of Elmer’s and suggesting it could fix a life that had come completely unglued.

Maybe you’ve been there. Whether you were sitting in the midst of tears and confusion or you were the one on the other end of the phone trying desperately to know what to say, I understand. Sometimes we just have to acknowledge that good feelings won’t be there for a while. And when there’s no way to feel better in the moment, you just have to place your feet on the only solid ground there is — God’s truth.

His truth won’t shift with feelings.

His truth won’t drown in a sea of tears.

His truth won’t leave you even when your gut-honest cries don’t sound so Christian.

I finally said to my friend, “I’m crying with you. I don’t have answers, but I do have prayers. And I’m going to write out conversations I have with God so you’ll know He’s not being silent right now. He sees you. He hears you. And through His truth He will comfort you.”

I pulled out my Bible and poured out the hurt and sadness. “God, show me. Show me the right truths. Use my hand to write out some comfort from your Word for my friend.”

Me:	Lord, I have to tell You it is a hard thing to watch my friend hurt so much. She begged You to help save her marriage and, honestly, we’re confused why it all still fell apart.
The Lord:	Do the words of Job 17:11 express the way you are feeling? “My days have passed, my plans are shattered, and so are the desires of my heart.”
Me:	Yes, Lord, and I’m confused. Lord, don’t you see her tears? If seeing her sadness breaks my heart, I know it must break Your heart too. It is hard for me to understand why this all happened.
The Lord:	Recall the beauty of trusting the only One who can see what is and what is to come. “The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him” (Nahum 1:7).
Me:	I do trust You, Lord. But for everything to end like this is so hard. It just seems so pointless.
The Lord:	Oh, nothing I allow is pointless. Nothing you go through is pointless. Even in the midst of hurt, I will work good. I will work good for her now and I will work good for her in the future. I still have a grand plan and purpose for her. “Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails”
	(Proverbs 19:20 – 21).
Me:	I just need to know why she has to go through this.
The Lord:	You don’t have to have answers, Lysa. You just need to trust. “ ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts’ “
	(Isaiah 55:8 – 9).
Me:	But what about the desires of her heart, Lord?
The Lord:	I am the only one who even knows the full scope of those desires, Lysa. I will give her new desires and help her so those desires come to pass. Just encourage her to trust Me and make wise choices. “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:3 – 4).

After I wrote all this out, I sent it to my friend. It didn’t fix her hurt or answer her questions. It didn’t give her a place to put those things that seemed to have no place right now. But it did get her to open up God’s Word and start having conversations with Him for herself. And as she moves on, this was a good first step to take.

When she felt like she was drowning in her emotions, God’s truth, His Word, was the only thing solid enough to stand on. God’s truth will never go away. It will never change.