What Frustrated Jesus

I will remember the deeds of the LORD;

yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.

(Psalm 77:11)

If I lived in Jesus’ day, I would like to think I’d have been moved by His miracles. Changed by His miracles. Repentant and willing to live differently because of His miracles. He is the Son of God—the miracle worker.

But would I really?

After all, sometimes I act as though Jesus can work miracles for other people, but not for me. Not with my issues.

Last year, my issues with coming unglued and getting all tangled in my raw emotions constantly left me making promises to do better tomorrow. But then tomorrow would bring with it more challenges and conflicts where I’d react and then regret. No, I wasn’t sure Jesus could work a miracle with my issues. I was quick to applaud when other people repented and positioned their hearts to see Jesus work a miracle in their lives, but I lived as if that same kind of miracle wasn’t possible for me.

This kind of unrepentant attitude frustrates Jesus. Matthew says that Jesus “began to denounce the towns in which most of his miracles had been performed, because they did not repent” (11:20).

Sometimes I have to get out of my normal surroundings to become more aware of things that need to change in me. Last year I spent a week at a homeless shelter called the Dream Center in Los Angeles. Pastor Matthew Barnett and his church run the Dream Center, which is a ministry hub of 120 programs that serve more than 40,000 people every month. Housed in a converted hospital building, the 700-bed facility includes a transitional shelter for homeless families, a drug rehab center, and a shelter for victims of sex trafficking.

I went to help meet needs. But I quickly realized I was there as a woman in need. A woman who needed God’s reality to fall fresh and heavy and close and real and too in-my-face to deny.

I saw God’s miraculous healing power woven into so many lives at the Dream Center. I saw it, and I wanted it.

God’s miraculous power is what transformed the ex – gang member with eight bullet hole scars into a Jesus-loving servant. So gentle.

It’s what changed the ex – prostitute into a counselor for other girls rescued from life on the streets. So pure.

It’s what changed the ex – drug addict into a loving father, teaching his son how to be a godly leader. So integrity-filled.

What prevented me from realizing that God’s power could change me too? Somewhere along the line I stopped expecting God to work miraculously in me.

Inspired by the changed lives at the homeless shelter, my soul quickened to the bold reality that I could be different. I really could have different reactions to my raw emotions. I knew my progress would be imperfect, but it could still be miraculous. And I felt a new hope rush through me.

I’m not gentle by nature, but I can be gentle by obedience. I’m not patient by nature, but I can be patient by obedience. I’m not peaceful by nature, but I can be peaceful by obedience.

I can. And I will.

I can be the unglued woman made gentle, patient, and peaceful. God, help me. God, forgive me. And in the shadow of that realization and repentance, the miracle begins.