Reactor Or Responder?
Reactor or Responder?
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity,
but a spirit of power,
of love and of self-discipline.
(2 Timothy 1:7)
Thought for the Day: In the situations where I want to become unglued, I always have the choice to be a reactor or a responder.
I recently heard a story about a famous woman in the midst of an unglued reaction. She was in a restaurant having dinner with friends when a server spilled some spaghetti on her dress. She was distraught. Beyond distraught, actually. She shoved the server and became so belligerent, she was asked to leave. Later, the server sued this woman and won hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Crazy, right?
And here’s the thing — her unglued reaction didn’t un-spill the spaghetti from her dress! In the end, she had a stained dress, a ruined reputation, and was out hundreds of thousands of dollars.
While it’s easy for me to shake my head, I dare not. I’ll be honest, I can be the queen of wanting to react. I haven’t ever shoved anyone, but I sure have whispered under my breath. Let me loose on something unfair, unjust, or just plain rude, and I can sure find some fight in me. Add to that a rush of adrenaline, and somebody had better be hoping I’ve read my Bible that day!
Only God can rein in my natural reactions. He is my primary source of power, love, and self-discipline. So I’ve devised a series of questions that helps me tap into that source when I feel a reaction coming on. There’s a big difference between being a reactor and a responder—and I want to be a responder.
Q: Do I want to escalate this conflict or dissipate it?
A reactor escalates the conflict.
A responder dissipates the conflict.
Q: Do I want more trouble or more grace in my life?
A reactor adds trouble on top of trouble.
A responder adds grace on top of grace.
Q: Do I want to be known as harsh or gentle?
A reactor either spews emotion or masters the silent treatment.
A responder gives a gentle answer.
Q: Do I want to get my own way or help find a resolution?
A reactor only sees things her way.
A responder realizes there are always two sides to every issue.
Q: Which do I care more about—demanding my rights or displaying right choices?
A reactor demands her right to be right.
A responder is more concerned about making right choices before God.
If you struggle with being a reactor, I understand. I’m not saying becoming a responder is easy or that it can happen overnight. But it is possible, and we can make progress.
Father, today I want to be a woman who responds to people with love and grace because it allows me to be a better representative of You. Please guide me through every obstacle, steering me to react in a way that honors Your name. Amen.
From the book
