Principle 3: Manage Expectations And Appreciate Your Differences.

UNCOMMON WISDOM

Continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins. —1 Peter 4:8

UNCOMMON PRACTICE

Take a few moments to select one of this week’s practices to explore further. The related Adventure Application appears just below each practice. If you’d prefer to come up with a different way of living out that practice this week, feel free to discuss what that might look like.

Recognize that differing expectations are inevitable given different upbringings.

Take a few minutes to discuss what activities or values were emphasized in your home growing up. Has that resulted in any expectations for your own family? If so, does that concern either of you?

Be open to exploring new or different family traditions.

What Christmas traditions do you and your family particularly enjoy? If nothing comes to mind, poll your family and come up with something you could do together as an enjoyable way to celebrate the meaning of Christmas. Family Life has compiled a list that might spark some ideas.

See http://www.familylife.com/articles/topics/holidays/featured/christmas/10-great-ideas-for-christmas-traditions.

Don’t expect your spouse to be able to read your mind.

Discuss whether you or your spouse can think of any recurring issues that come up because one of you thinks that the other should simply “know that by now.” Take a step back. How might you address that concern? It’s better to err on the side of clarity and communication than to remain stuck in uncertainty or resentment.

Learn to adjust to and accept the “quirks” of your spouse’s side of the family.

Have you noticed some interesting habits or behaviors on your spouse’s side of the family? Make a point this week to appreciate those family members better and accept or adjust to the way they are.

Train yourself to look for your spouse’s strengths in his or her differences.

Take turns mentioning one characteristic of your spouse that makes you completely different—but that you’ve come to appreciate during your marriage. Can you name a situation when you realized just how much you valued your spouse for that reason?

Allow each spouse to take the lead in the area of his or her strength.

This week, talk with your spouse about areas of responsibility you each have within your family. Are there some household chores that one spouse would be better at and enjoy more, regardless of what society says is the “proper” role?

UNCOMMON PRAYER

Take a few minutes to discuss any praises and needs you’d like to bring to God as a couple. Then, in addition to praying about those things together, use one or more of the following prayer prompts to ask God to help you learn to manage your expectations and appreciate your differences.

Praise the Father for specific differences He built into each of you, as well as into your children and other family members.

Confess any friction in your marriage because of your impatience or frustration over some of your differences and unmet expectations.

Ask the Holy Spirit to equip you with the patience, discernment, and kindness you need to encourage your spouse in the areas of his or her giftedness, as well as to accept his or her different approaches to some areas of life.