Outside Counsel

CORE PRACTICE #40: Seek coaching from trusted family members, friends, or counselors when you feel more like opponents than teammates.

Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight, and ask for understanding. Search for them as you would for silver; seek them like hidden treasures.

—Proverbs 2:2-4

TONY

Many years ago, a frustrated woman arranged to meet with a psychologist. She spent the first meeting telling him how much she disliked her husband and that she intended to divorce him. “I want to hurt him all I can,” she insisted.

“Well, then, I suggest you start showering him with compliments,” the psychologist said, pointing out that her husband would come to view her as indispensable. “When he thinks you are completely devoted to him, start the divorce action. That is the way to really hurt him.”

Months later the wife returned and told him she had followed the psychologist’s suggestion.

“Good,” said the psychologist. “Now’s the time to file for divorce.”

“Divorce?” the woman said indignantly. “Never. I love my husband dearly!”^a

Marital struggles are no laughing matter, and yet there is some homespun wisdom in this humorous story. Sometimes we all need to find a wise, trustworthy counselor, family member, or friend to help us when we’re locked in a misunderstanding we can’t seem to get beyond. After all, the writer of Proverbs 2 urges us to “tune our ears,” “cry out,” “ask,” “search,” and “seek” when we need wisdom. If you and your spouse need pastoral or professional help, seek it out. If you simply need the input or different perspective of a close friend or family member, choose someone who is discerning and objective, whose advice has the best interest of your marriage at heart. But make sure you are seeking out the truth, and more specifically, God’s truth. Be careful not to gravitate to someone who will simply commiserate with you and make things worse by taking your side at the expense of your marriage.

According to the book of Proverbs, the Lord promises the honest “a treasure of common sense” (2:7). So find a person of integrity who will help you seek God’s wisdom, who will pray with you, and who will help you determine how to make your marriage all God intends it to be.

Adventure Application: If you need help resolving an issue, consider setting up a time this week to speak with a friend or counselor. Or you might choose to set aside time to pray for the Holy Spirit’s wisdom in a matter. (Sunday’s “Uncommon Prayer” section might provide a good starting point.)