For Better, For Worse

CORE PRACTICE #54: Affirm and express love to your spouse—especially when he or she is going through tough times.

Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important. —Galatians 6:2-3

Lauren

Sometimes the wives of football players and coaches wryly joke among themselves that “NFL” must be short for “not for long.” That’s because trades, cuts, and firings are pretty common. All kidding aside, being forced to leave a team is never easy.

Throughout the 2001 season, I lived with an unsettling feeling that, short of a Super Bowl win, my husband’s days with the Bucs might soon be over. Rather than the close, friendly relationship we’d had with the team’s owners in previous years, they had become businesslike and seemed to exclude us from decision making. I realized they might be severing ties because they planned to move in a different direction. Tony and I had to prepare for that as well.

Because Tony tends to take people at their word—and the team’s management had assured him he had nothing to worry about—he brushed off my concerns. He remained focused on winning games and bringing out the best in his players. Given Tony’s optimism and my realism, I guess it’s not surprising that we perceived the situation differently!

The first big blow to our family that season actually had nothing to do with the Bucs. Just after the New Year, Tony’s mother died. That was a big loss to Tony, although the many tributes from her former high school students were a comfort to both of us. They also reminded us of what really matters in life.

Less than two weeks later, the Bucs were scheduled to fly to Philadelphia for a playoff game against the Eagles. That same day, the St. Petersburg Times ran a story that leaked information from a team insider that said Tony would be fired if they didn’t win the game on Saturday. Tony planned to ask one of the team owners about it on the flight to Philadelphia, but for the first time, the owners weren’t on the team plane. Tony was finally ready to concede that he might not be returning to the Bucs after the season ended.

And so, after the Bucs lost to the Eagles that Saturday night, neither of us was very surprised when Tony was summoned to a brief meeting with the Glazers—just long enough for them to tell him he was fired.

Tony told me he was ready to move on; I hurt for him and felt let down. But I was also reminded that we share a special bond with our spouses that enables us to “share one another’s burdens” in a unique and powerful way. I couldn’t take away Tony’s hurt, but I could let him know I was there for him and he wasn’t carrying that disappointment alone.

When Tony had taken the job in Tampa, we believed God would reward us if we led the team in a way that honored Him. Being fired was not the outcome we expected, but it was the answer we got. Thankfully, it wasn’t the end of the story.

Adventure Application: Paul calls us to pay attention and to express our love to each other always, especially during those most difficult moments. How can you do that this week for your spouse? And next week?