An Exam Worth Taking

CORE PRACTICE #92: Be open to signals from your spouse that you are overcommitted.

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. —Romans 12:1-2, NIV

TONY

Taking stock of where you are physically, emotionally, and spiritually is time well spent.

After all, mechanics give your car regular tune-ups, your dentist checks your teeth once or twice a year, and doctors administer annual physical exams. Some of the check-ups are mental: Children have parent-teacher conferences at regular intervals, and who hasn’t sat through a performance review at work?

But when is the last time you stopped as a husband and a wife to assess whether you are really living up to your values and priorities?

I am blessed to have Lauren help me regularly assess whether my actions are aligned with my priorities. When I was coaching, for instance, I often struggled to find enough time to spend with our children. I’d do well for a while, but then she’d tell me that one of our children was asking, “Why has Daddy been gone so much?”

As helpful as those reminders were, they came after I had already missed out on time spent with them. But how could I give my children the time they needed if I was overcommitted at work, or in volunteer or community service activities? The short and honest answer?

I couldn’t.

And so I am suggesting that you and I take seriously the admonition to examine our lives and then see if they are consistent with what God wants us to do.

I heard a dear friend share at a gathering not too long ago that one day you and I are going to come face-to-face with the reality that we can’t do our life over again—one time around is all we get! Though I knew that to be true, his words hit me right between the eyes. I have just one shot at leaving a legacy for my wife and children by being a part of their lives. The alternative is leaving a trail of regrets stemming from missed moments and opportunities, as well as misdirected priorities. What matters more? To leave a legacy of material success—trophies, homes, cars, and awards—or to leave a legacy of fingerprints on the hearts of those I love most?

I encourage you to sit down with your spouse to examine your lives. Ask yourselves whether your marriage is as close as you’d like it to be. What is your purpose as a couple, and how well are you living it out? Are you pouring into your children’s lives in the way they need? What will your legacy be? What will people say about you (or about me) when we are gone? What do we want them to say at our memorial services?

We shouldn’t begin considering these questions in our last days. It is something we should think about and live out every day.

Is it time to examine your life?

Adventure Application: Take a few moments to each list your priorities. Then compare your lists to determine how closely they align—and spend time in frank discussion about how well you are living up to the goals that matter most to you.