The Gift Of Listening

The Gift of Listening

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

James 1:19

My husband, Holmes, is one of the best listeners I know. But for me, becoming a better listener has been a long journey. I came from a family of five talkative girls and a little brother who had to work hard to get a word in edgewise. So I’ve been working on the important art of listening for a long while because I’ve discovered that listening is 80 percent of the communication process. If we miss that part, we have difficulty connecting with those we love.

Listening is more of a challenge for women than for men: The average woman, surveys show, spends about one-fifth of her life talking. On a good day (when she goes to lunch with girlfriends, for example), she may say about thirty thousand words, and that’s a lot of talking! Men, on the other hand, have only about ten thousand words they’re “burning” to express on a daily basis. When a man gets home from work, most of his words for the day may already have been used up, so he wants quiet. At that point, women are just getting started, so it’s no wonder that communication between husbands and wives suffers at times.

The presence of iPod media players, cell phones, and 24-7 TV doesn’t help our listening skills. But when we put our hearts into listening, it can create positive connections. When we’re really present in the moment, when we let our teenagers (or friends or husbands) finish their sentences instead of doing it for them, when we focus on what they have to say instead of multitasking, they feel valued and loved. Giving not just eye contact but “thought contact” as we have our minds engaged in what the person is saying makes a difference. Somebody once said the fact that God gave us two ears and one mouth should give us a clue about the importance of listening.

To whom could you give the gift of listening today? —CHERI

Love through me, Lord, and help me to be quick to really listen to others.

One of the best ways to demonstrate God’s love is to listen to people.

—BRUCE LARSON, AUTHOR, SPEAKER, AND FORMER PASTOR