The Abcs Of Marriage

The ABCs of Marriage

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Ephesians 5:21

Recently, I stopped by a friend’s office and noticed a dozen red roses accompanied by a card that read, “Happy anniversary to my darling wife.”

I offered my good wishes and asked how long she’d been married.

Cathy beamed. “Oh, twenty-eight years,” she said. “Fifteen of the best years of my life!”

It seems for the first thirteen years of marriage, she and her husband just barely stayed together as they battled unfulfilled expectations, misunderstandings, arguments logjammed on unrelated issues, in-law problems—you name it. It wasn’t until they realized they were headed for divorce court that they decided they wanted to save their marriage. Once they got serious about working at a good relationship, they transformed the turbulent seas of their marriage into an emotionally safe harbor.

My late husband and I had our share of dumb arguments in our marriage too. But in all that time, I stomped my foot only once to emphasize a point—and stepped right into the dog’s dish! Not only did that destroy the spirit of the moment (it’s difficult to maintain a self-righteous argument with dog food on your toes), but it also taught us the value of laughter in relieving a tense moment. Along the way, we also learned the ABCs of marriage:

• Assumptions. Watch them. If you assume your spouse is going to act a certain way, you’re in trouble. Things are never as they first appear, either good or bad.
• Believe in your husband. Start with trust; don’t wait to make him earn it.
• Communicate. We aren’t mind readers, so let’s not play guessing games.

Cathy and her husband chose to have a happy marriage. That option is open to others as well. —SANDRA

Lord, often we miss the joy you have planned because we are looking to another person to satisfy our needs. Help us remember only you can do that.

If you bring your own goals and dreams and self-awareness to a marriage, the other person can be a tremendous source of comfort and support. If you bring to the relationship nothing but your neediness, the balance is off.

—DR. LAURA SCHLESSINGER, SOCIAL AND CONSERVATIVE COMMENTATOR