No More Fear

No More Fear

You will be secure under a government that is just and fair. Your enemies will stay far away. You will live in peace, and terror will not come near. Isaiah 54:14

MiSook clawed the blanket away from her face and awakened with a start. Dazed, she looked around the hotel room, then realized where she was. She was a computer programmer attending a conference in Dallas. No longer was she a frightened eight-year-old back home in Korea. She drew a long breath, remembering those long-ago nights when she watched the shadows while everyone else was asleep. Nighttime had always been difficult, but after her grandmother’s death, MiSook wondered what it was like to disappear from the earth. In those moments, her heart would begin to pound so intensely she could hear it beating.

Think of beautiful things, she would tell herself. Think of Grandmother’s garden. Still, images of two-headed snakes arose each time she closed her eyes. She would hold her breath, wondering if snakes were slithering across the floor toward her sleeping mat.

Where will I be if I’m not here? she asked herself. Will monsters eat my heart?

She once tried to explain her terrors to her parents, but they dismissed them.

“Be strong. Control your thoughts so you can control your fate,” her father had said.

But the fears had persisted throughout MiSook’s childhood. And now they had followed her to Dallas.

She got out of bed and sat near the window. Her roommate was at a stage play with friends. They had invited MiSook, but she had begged off, pleading weariness. She walked to the desk to get stationery to write her parents but changed her mind.

She couldn’t write to them. Her parents had always said she had to be in control of her fate. Well, she wasn’t in control—not of her fate and not of her nightmares. —SANDRA

Lord, my fears are many. Help me to face them, knowing you are standing by my side. Then help me to give them to you.

Anxiety has its use, stimulating us to seek with keener longing for that security where peace is complete and unassailable.

—SAINT AUGUSTINE (354–430), CHURCH FATHER