It’s Okay To Cry

It’s Okay to Cry

[God] comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. 2 Corinthians 1:4

A few months after my husband died, Rachel approached me one Sunday morning after worship. As she hugged me, she said, “I must tell you what an inspiration you’ve been to me as I’ve watched you adjust to widowhood. I’m so impressed you never cried after Don died. What faith!”

I stared at her, astounded. To let her continue to think I hadn’t cried would be a lie. But would the truth make her think less of me? Finally I said, “I’m sorry to disillusion you, but I did cry after Don died. In fact, I even screamed a few times. It’s just that you never saw me cry.”

She looked startled, but I continued. “I wish life’s grief would stop with me. It won’t, though. And when your turn comes, it will be okay for you to cry. The Lord understands tears.”

I knew Rachel was disappointed, but I couldn’t let her continue to think good Christians are always dry eyed. That would have been dishonest on my part and would have set her up for unhealthy future grief.

We can look to Jesus as our perfect example of how to handle sorrow. He lamented over Jerusalem (see Matthew 23:37; Luke 13:34), wept at the tomb of Lazarus (see John 11:35), and fell anguished to the ground in the garden of Gethsemane (see Matthew 26:39; Mark 14:35). If he could cry, we can too.

Soon after our talk at church, Rachel had an opportunity to give her own honest tears to the Lord. Her daughter and son-in-law had been trying for years to have a baby, and they were thrilled when their pregnancy went full term. But in the final week, the baby suddenly went into fetal distress and died. If Rachel still had been caught in the misunderstanding that faith keeps us from tears, she would not have been able to hug her daughter and cry with her. —SANDRA

Lord, thank you for your example of tears. Thank you for allowing us the healing that can come when we cry, and thank you for holding us as we sob.

Let tears flow of their own accord; their flowing is not inconsistent with inward peace and harmony.

—LUCIUS SENECA (CA. 4 B.C.–A.D. 65), ROMAN STATESMAN, DRAMATIST, AND PHILOSOPHER