Choosing Right Actions

Choosing Right Actions

A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.

Proverbs 15:1

Susan was everyone’s friend and rescuer. If a friend needed someone to look after his dog while he was out of town, he called her. If a coworker needed to practice her Monday-morning office presentation, she called Susan. If a nephew needed a tutor for Spanish class, he called Susan. In fact, the people around Susan were so used to having her meet their every need, they resented her interest in a young assistant pastor who had asked her to dinner after they met while visiting a hospitalized mutual friend.

As time went on, though, the people who had grown to depend on Susan began to work out their own problems when they realized she was no longer in the rescue business. What made the difference? Susan’s quiet apologies, presented without explanation when she wasn’t available.

Amy, another young woman, also was drawn into every “crisis” her extended family experienced, whether it was the birth of new kittens or the breakup of yet another relationship. Each time the phone rang with another plea for help, Amy found herself getting more and more angry as she wondered, Why do they insist that their crises have to become mine? That anger boiled over during a tense moment at the rehearsal for her niece’s wedding. When Amy’s older sister snapped at her for having forgotten extra batteries for the video camera, Amy retorted she was tired of being responsible for the details of their lives. As she stormed out, she demanded none of them ever call her again. Obviously, she created more problems for herself than she solved.

These two young women responded to the demands of others in different ways and with different results.

Knowing when to say yes and when to say no can be tough. After all, we can’t carry every responsibility. Sometimes we will need to gently nudge those who are too dependent on us to seek greater maturity. Other times, life will hand us moments when the only decent decision we can make is to drop everything and help another person. But whatever our decision, often the greatest help will come from our soft answer. —SANDRA

Yes, Lord, I get it. There’s been only one Messiah—you—and I’m not a second one. So give me your wisdom when the people around me demand rescue. May I hear your direction and not their accusations. And no matter what my answer is, may I present it gently and with love.

A true friend will not always agree with you, but will be true to your best interests.

—NICOLE BEALE, AUTHOR