Be Realistic

Be Realistic

Be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Ephesians 5:15

Not only did Joanne understand the importance of rejoicing in this day, but she had learned from her older sisters that even when Mr. Wonderful does show up, it doesn’t guarantee a perfect marriage. From those same sisters she had learned the “Three Cs” guidelines for dating: Companionship, Common Interests, and Commitment. Yes, dating provides someone to talk to, to share an evening with, but often, desperate women jump from companionship to commitment and skip the important consideration of common interests. Joanne had a couch-potato cousin who had joined a Saturday hiking club just to snag a man. Two months after the wedding, she discarded her hiking boots and settled into her old routine of watching DVDs of 1950s movies. Her disappointed husband felt not only cheated but lied to. That example was one Joanne was determined not to follow.

Joanne also learned no marriage exists in a vacuum. She wouldn’t be marrying just the individual but his entire family. One of Joanne’s friends, Sandra, makes it a habit before leaving for an extended-family gathering to pray, “Lord, help me to keep my mouth shut.” (She explains, “You never have to apologize for the ugly things you don’t say!”) That reminder was helpful the Sunday afternoon Sandra’s mother-in-law sarcastically asked, “Well, what little wifey things did you do this week?”

Knowing she needed to prove she was capable of taking care of the woman’s son, Sandra thought of the chocolate chip cookies that had caused her groom to exclaim, “Oh, these are my favorites!” So she answered, “I made his favorite cookies.”

The mother-in-law nodded. “Oh, peanut butter.”

Sandra looked bewildered. “No, chocolate chip.”

The mother-in-law sat very straight. “I’ve been making cookies for him all of his life. His favorite cookies are peanut butter!”

The new wife had the good sense not to argue, but she did ask her husband for an explanation later. Always the diplomat, he answered, “Oh, my favorite ones Mom makes are peanut butter, but my favorite you make are chocolate chip.”

Obviously, Joanne has numerous examples to give her a reality check, but more important, she has determined not to put off living and enjoying today just because she’s hoping to meet her future husband tomorrow. Her good attitude will likely bring delightful surprises to her sooner than if she acted desperate. —SANDRA

Lord, help me to wait for you, who know best, to provide your best. When it comes, help me to understand that it may come with other people attached. Help me to know when to bite my tongue and when to speak. And may I do both with love.

There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, “Thy will be done,” and those to whom God says, “All right, then, have it your way.”

—C. S. LEWIS (1898–1963), IRISH WRITER AND LITERARY SCHOLAR