Mirror, Mirror - Madeleine L’engle

1918–2007

How do you know what’s true about yourself? Whose words and opinions do you take into consideration when you create a mental self-portrait of who you are and what you’re worth? It’s tempting to absorb the words of everyone you come in contact with and create your self-portrait from those opinions.

Madeleine L’Engle, author of Newbery Medal–winning A Wrinkle in Time, cautioned about the people we use as mirrors of our inner selves. There was a time in her life when her books weren’t selling, and she felt as if she wasn’t meeting the standards set by other women in her community. Looking into other people’s eyes for her reflection, she saw herself as a failure—until she realized that those people shouldn’t have had that much influence on her opinion of herself. Later she wrote in A Circle of Quiet, “I try to be careful whom I use as a mirror: my husband; my children; my mother; the friends of my right hand.”

Do you make conscious decisions about whom you allow to be your mirror, or do you just take in everyone’s opinions about you? Coworkers, neighbors, casual friends, and even relatives who don’t spend a lot of time with you will all have opinions about who you are and why you do the things you do. It’s easy to fall into the trap of giving equal weight to the opinion of the person in the cubicle next to you and that of your best friend you’ve known for decades. But do they really deserve equal weight? Of course not.

Choose your own “mirrors.” Make a list of those people whose eyes reflect the real you. Who knows you best? Whose opinion do you cherish the most? Who will be honest with you but also considerate?

And don’t forget the one who knows you better than anyone else—the one who made you. Spend time with God in prayer. Through meditation and Scripture reading, look into his eyes and get a true picture of yourself.

O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

Psalm 139:1-2