Home, Peaceful Home

Home, Peaceful Home

“Don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27

Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. I get that. There are times when my anger is such that it’s better to simply walk away than to respond in a heated moment. Rash words at excitable moments can be deadly.

At the same time, however, especially in our marriages, it can get awfully tempting to simply brush things aside to “deal with them later.” Especially if it’s the same thing we’ve dealt with before. Who wants to go back over the same ground? It’s discouraging. Better to sweep it under the rug. It’ll go away, right?

Let me urge you not to do that. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Find a moment to let the emotion pass, and even if it can’t all be resolved then, try to find a way to take the edge off the moment. Find common ground. Agree to come back to it later. But don’t stay angry and put it off until another time.

And don’t simply write it off as the “same thing we’ve dealt with before,” or that “he (or she) will never change.” God gives us second chances, and while He’s the God of transformation, sometimes these things don’t happen without work on our part.

Believe it or not, conflict isn’t always bad. It’s a way of identifying the differences we have. Couples all have conflict in their lives—it’s how we deal with the situations that make the difference. Will we be charitable and understanding? Or harsh and hardened? The choice is ours.

Some people say that if you get through the first year of marriage, it’s smooth sailing from there. I think every day in marriage presents opportunities to practice patience, understanding, and compromise. Talk things out and don’t force your opinion. Listen to each other instead of resorting to the silent treatment.

One final caveat: sometimes strict adherence to this isn’t healthy either. Sometimes you or your spouse is too tired to rationally deal with something. I know I’ve made things worse sometimes by thinking that we’ll “get it all straightened out” before bed. Sometimes a good night’s sleep puts everything in perspective.

Be wise. Don’t provoke, and don’t brush things aside.

Uncommon Key > God wants you to live in harmony, to protect your marriage, to be salt and light for the world. Part of that begins with how you treat others and how you deal with conflict in your own home. Settle your disagreements as quickly as you can, by listening to each other and coming up with an amicable resolution.