Being There

Being There

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? Ecclesiastes 4:9-11

When Nathan’s wife, Amy, was a little girl, her family lived in the Netherlands, where her father was stationed in the Air Force. The family returned home with a saying: “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.” What a great thought.

Lately it seems like I’ve been to so many visitations at funeral homes and subsequent funeral services that I’ve lost count. You know what I mean—you no doubt have experienced the same thing. You want to be there for the family and offer comforting words. So as you are getting dressed, then driving over to the funeral home or church, you are searching for just the right words to say, just the right sentiment to console the family in their time of loss. Surely there must be something you can say that will help fill the gaping emptiness they feel, suspended between life and death, between joy and crushing heartache.

Through years of being in those settings with family and friends—whether I’ve been on the receiving or giving end of the moment—I’d like to pass on a couple of things I’ve learned. First, there are seldom any words you could share that would fill the void that now exists or alleviate the pain that now has filled every fiber of those who are suffering this loss most deeply. I have heard feeble attempts to do so, and maybe have offered some of them myself, but so often they come out as trite and ineffectual. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that cards aren’t appreciated, but there’s something even more meaningful you can do.

What means the most is your presence, your touch, the warmth of a hug—just being there to help the person who is grieving. Just being there—without any magical words—to share their sorrow is a gift that will sustain them in that moment and in the days to come. That’s what Christ calls His followers to do in moments of sorrow and brokenness, whether it’s death or other difficult moments in the lives of family or friends.

Just be there.

Uncommon Key > You don’t need to deliver a rehearsed speech to a grieving person. Share his or her sorrow by simply showing up and being there. Who needs you to be there for them today?