What Love Isn’t

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)

AS YOU SEEK TO LIVE A LIFE OF LOVE, some people may try to define it for you and dictate its terms. They may not say, “If you love me, you will . . . ,” but the implication is clear. They will apply their perceptions of Christian love to you, especially as it relates to them. But your definition of love comes not from the needs and demands of others but from the love of the Father, the example of Jesus, and the leading of the Spirit. You are to love the way Jesus loves, which means meeting people’s needs as he defines them, not as they do.

Even so, certain attitudes are clearly beyond the pale of genuine love, and Paul identifies some of them in this passage. They share a common feature—a focus on self—and none are characteristic of Jesus. Though we are told that God is jealous (Exodus 20:5; 34:14; Zechariah 8:2, NIV), the jealousy Paul writes of is a different kind, an envy of someone else’s possessions or position. Though we see Jesus boldly making extravagant (albeit truthful) claims about his own identity, the boasting presented in this passage is unfounded self-promotion, and the pride is based on exaggerated perceptions and a desire to be better than others. Though we see Jesus saying remarkably offensive things to the religious leaders who opposed him, the rudeness mentioned in this passage is a put-down of others in order to feel better about oneself. Jesus’ controversial statements and attitudes were for the benefit of others, not for the benefit of his own reputation or needs. Love focuses outward.

That’s your guideline for knowing whether or not you are walking in love. If your attitude is focused on the welfare of others, it’s love. If it’s focused on tearing others down in order to build yourself up, it isn’t. The human tendency to become self-absorbed is the root of all strife. Turn your heart outward before it develops unloving symptoms any further. Immerse your heart and mind in the love the Father has given you, and show others what he is like.

{Jesus, you are my model and my mentor. Your love was tender at times, tough at others, and always just what was needed. May the goal of my life be to see others as you see them and love them well. Amen.