Real Love

We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life for us. 1 John 3:16

WHEN OUR CHILDREN ARE SMALL —so innocent and so dependent —“I love yous” come easily. Whether they are terrific or terrible, we tell our toddlers over and over that we love them. But as they grow older, “I love yous” can too easily be replaced with “Your room is a mess!” and “What’s up with these grades?”

And it works in the other direction too. The crayon-colored pages that said “I luv you, Mommy and Daddy” are often replaced by rolled eyes, big sighs, and slammed doors. And in those moments, instead of saying, “I love you,” we vent our frustration. When our children come home embracing those things we worked so hard to train them to reject, our words and expressions often communicate more scorn and condemnation than affection. It’s not that we don’t love them anymore. It’s that our love generates more volatile emotions such as hurt, rejection, disappointment, and anger. When our children’s messes invade our orderly world, it can be challenging to say “I love you” in a way our kids can hear and receive.

But that’s precisely the time when they need to hear it the most. That’s when it has the power to penetrate the hardest of hearts. Our “I love you” plants a seed that over time can grow roots and bear fruit. In the darkest of moments with our kids, expressing genuine, tenderhearted love has the power to soften their hearts.

Because this is the way we have been loved, we can communicate love to our kids even when they are too hardened to engage with us. Jesus loved us when we were in the dark, when our lives were a mess, when we were full of rebellion —not when we were sweet and innocent. His “I love you” expressed at the Cross penetrated and softened our hearts. His love toward us enables us to respond to our children in the mess and alienation and say, “I love you. No matter how hard you push, no matter what you do or don’t do, I will always love you.”

Lord, when it costs me something to love ________, remind me of what it cost you to love me when I was at my worst. May your never-ending, never-failing love flow through me to ________.