Quarrelsome

It is better to live in a corner of the housetop

than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9, ESV

ARE THERE SOME quarrelsome people living in your home? Parents or children who are quick to accuse others and always looking to defend themselves, people whose first instinct is to criticize and last is to encourage? Such people seem to pour gasoline on every tiny spark of potential conflict.

Five times in Proverbs, Solomon uses vivid imagery to describe what it is like to live with such a person. According to Solomon, it’s “as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day” (27:15). To live with a quarrelsome person is worse than living “alone in the corner of an attic” (21:9) or “living alone in the desert” (21:19).

While some of us might be quarrelsome by nature, the point of the Christian life is that we have died to who we were by nature. Instead of doing what comes naturally, we experience something supernatural. Instead of harsh or cutting talk, our words are gentle (15:1). Instead of saying the first hurtful or unhelpful thing that comes to our mind, we exercise restraint (10:19). Rather than rushing to judgment about the motivations of others, we assume the best. Rather than grumbling, we give grace to each other (James 5:9). Because we’ve been so generously forgiven by God, we are “kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another” (Ephesians 4:32).

How beautiful and how pleasant would it be for our homes to be marked by kindness instead of quarrels? “The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23).

Lord, we need your divine help to make the tenor of our home one of peace, encouragement, and affection instead of rancor, criticism, and cynicism. Help us as parents to set the tone in our home in the way we speak to each other with kindness rather than with irritation.