To Forgive Or Not To Forgive - Philemon And Onesimus

I appeal to you to show kindness to my child, Onesimus. I became his father in the faith while here in prison. Onesimus hasn’t been of much use to you in the past, but now he is very useful to both of us. I am sending him back to you, and with him comes my own heart.

Philemon 1:10-12

In her book Clara Barton: Professional Angel, Elizabeth Brown Pryor recounts how Clara Barton, the founder of the American Red Cross, was reminded about some particularly humiliating treatment she had received years before. When Barton acted as if she couldn’t recall the incident, her stunned friend asked, “Don’t you remember it?” Barton replied, “No, I distinctly remember forgetting it.”

The Bible repeatedly teaches that we are to forgive those who do us wrong and restore relationships injured by those injustices, much as God does for us when we confess our sins.

Philemon, an apparently wealthy and influential believer who lived in Colossae and assisted Paul in starting the church there, faced the same decision we face when someone wrongs us. Do we forgive and restore, or do we withhold forgiveness and allow the relationship to fester and die?

Philemon had a genuine problem with Onesimus, one of Paul’s new converts. Onesimus had been Philemon’s slave; he had stolen from Philemon, deserted him, and run away to Rome. Paul tactfully and tenderly appealed to Philemon’s sense of God’s grace and forgiveness as he asked him to deal kindly with his returning slave.

The question wasn’t whether Philemon had been wronged—he clearly had—but what he was going to do about it. Legally, he could have had Onesimus punished severely.

How would Philemon handle this new arrangement?

The Bible doesn’t directly address what happened between these two men once Onesimus returned to Colossae. Church tradition holds that Philemon welcomed Onesimus back home and used his influence to raise him to a prominent place in his hometown church.

Understanding God’s grace and forgiveness is the key to forgiving those who have hurt us. When we extend forgiveness to those who need it, we free them to realize what God intends for them.