Who Invited Ego?

Who Invited Ego?

Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.

Philippians 2:3

Imagine that the two of you have just returned from an amazing vacation—to the Galapagos Islands, let’s say—but after the obligatory “How was your trip?” from another couple you know, the conversation turns to them and stays there. They tell you about some new landscaping they’re putting in, a conversation they had with their child, or a movie they just saw. They seem oblivious to you and your recent experience—and they are.

How does this happen? How can someone do this? In a word, egoism. Think of this couple as wearing mirrored sunglasses with the lenses flipped around. Everywhere they look they see a reflection of themselves and their own desires. They think they are looking at you, but they aren’t. Their egoism pushes them to project feelings and thoughts on to you that have far more to do with their own emotions than yours.^a

We’ve all experienced this with other people. And get ready to cringe—other people have probably experienced it with us. It happens. If we are not intentional about looking beyond our own egos, we end up looking at ourselves—and never knowing it. That’s the embarrassing calling card of the ego. It doesn’t alert us to the fact that it’s paying a lengthy visit. If we’re not careful, it just shows up unannounced, and we don’t give it a second thought. And that’s precisely the problem. Wondering how to solve it? We need to routinely keep our egos in check.

As a couple you can help each other, as iron sharpens iron (see Proverbs 27:17). In social settings you can help each other turn the conversation to others. When one of you begins to let ego drive the conversation a bit too long, the other can grab the wheel and put the focus elsewhere.

Can you think of a time when you have done this for each other? Or how about a time when you wish your partner would have done this for you? Talk about a gentle way you can do this for one another the next time you’re out together, and see how well it works.

Perhaps middle age is, or should be, a period of shedding shells; the shell of ambition, the shell of material accumulations and possessions, the shell of the ego.

—Anne Morrow Lindbergh

^a 63