What Movie Title Describes Your Sex Life?

What Movie Title Describes Your Sex Life?

Let the marriage bed be undefiled.

Hebrews 13:4, ESV

We were speaking at a large marriage conference not long ago and after one of our sessions we slid into a workshop by Pam and Rich Batten, whose lecture title caught our eye: “How to Have Kids and a Sex Life, Too.” They warmed up the group by asking couples which movie title best described their sex lives, with suggestions like The Fast and the Furious, What’s the Worst That Could Happen?, or The Mummy Returns. There wasn’t a show of hands, but Dr. Doolittle got the most chuckles.

In the discussion that followed, couples were quick to rattle off obstacles to a satisfactory love life: no energy, no privacy, no spontaneity, kids banging on doors, barging in, and so on. Each complaint engendered nods and groans of agreement. It seems nearly every couple, married long enough, understands the struggle to keep their sex life filled with passion. What most couples don’t understand is how an intentional effort—once every thirty days—can keep the flames of passion burning on all the others.

Let’s make this clear: sex is critically important for a quality marriage. We’ll say it again: sex makes a significant impact on whether you will rate your marriage as satisfying or not.

In one survey on the importance of sex for marriage, the results were compelling: Couples who rated their sex lives positively also rated their marriages positively, and those who rated their sex lives negatively rated their marriages negatively as well. In other words, if couples report that sex is unimportant to them, it is very likely that they view their entire marriage as unhappy. Both the quantity and quality of sex in marriage are central to a good overall relationship.

You might be relieved to know that a number of factors other than frequency of sexual interaction have also been linked to satisfaction with marital sex. Mutuality in initiating sex can be an important contributor to sexual satisfaction of both wives and husbands. It also appears that women who take an active role during sexual sharing are more likely to be pleased with their sex lives than those who assume a more passive role.

No study states that a high quality sex life is an absolute requirement for a high quality marriage, nor that a good sex life guarantees a good marriage. Nonetheless, studies consistently suggest that quality of sex and quality of marriage do go together in most cases. That’s why this topic is so important for married couples to discuss. So today we leave you with this question to discuss: How would you rate your current love life on a scale of one to ten and why?

The instinct of fidelity is perhaps the deepest instinct in the great complex we call sex. Where there is real sex there is the underlying passion for fidelity.

—D. H. Lawrence