The Miracle Of Marriage?

The Miracle of Marriage?

Look beneath the surface so you can judge correctly.

John 7:24

Comedian Bill Cosby said, “For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.” He’s got a point. Once the masks are put aside and a couple settles into married life with their differing personalities, year after year, it can indeed seem miraculous that the relationship endures.

What may even be more phenomenal is that a marriage need not only survive but it can actually thrive in the face of two differing and strong personalities that face off day after day. There is no one-size-fits-all solution to making different personalities work together over time. But one of the ways this can be possible is by simply observing one another’s personalities and respecting them. Of course, we can’t x-ray a personality, but we can observe it. How? By looking at the way we act.

There is much about personality that we can pick up simply by watching. We can deduce something, for example, about personality when we notice that a person does very careful research before buying a camera, just as we can deduce something about personality when we see someone else purchase a high-priced gadget on impulse. And as Yogi Berra so famously said, “You can observe a lot just by watching.” Especially when that “watching” is done around the clock in a marriage.

Think about it. You know your spouse’s particular habits pretty well by now, don’t you? We naturally become witnesses to one another’s traits simply because we’re there living with them day in and day out. It’s almost as if we are on surveillance without ever intending it. The mere time that marriage consumes cannot help but to make us keen observers of each other’s traits as they become visible in our reactions, our expressions, and our behaviors.

So what traits do you think are most consistently seen by your spouse in you? Right now, come up with two personality traits that you think your spouse would note about you, and then test your accuracy by asking each other if you’re right. Do those traits make your spouse’s tolerance of them seem miraculous? Give him or her whatever apologies or thanks your discovery warrants.

In a time when nothing is more certain than change, the commitment of two people to one another has become difficult and rare. Yet, by its scarcity, the beauty and value of this exchange have only been enhanced.

—Robert Sexton