The Meaning Of Your Rituals

The Meaning of Your Rituals

I lay down and slept, yet I woke up in safety, for the LORD was watching over me.

Psalm 3:5

“In the great green room there was a telephone and a red balloon and a picture of a cow jumping over the moon.” So begins the first line of a children’s book we read nearly nightly for many months to both of our boys when they were little. When they were each about three years old, they could barely put their heads on the pillows of their “big boy beds” without one of us reading this story narrated by a pajama-clad bunny. And we aren’t the only parents who have this one memorized.

Margaret Wise Brown wrote the now-classic children’s story Goodnight Moon in 1947. It sells better today than it did back then, and it has created a nightly ritual for legions of little ones who have to say goodnight to the red balloon and the moon before turning in.

Reading this story night after night got us to thinking about our own rituals. Why? Because couples who have rituals, research shows, have a stronger sense of identity as a couple and feel far more connected than couples who do not.

On any given evening at our house, about the time our local nightly news begins to air, you’re likely to find both of us perusing the cereal boxes lined up in our kitchen pantry. Bran Flakes or Frosted? Shredded Wheat or Special K? It’s a scene that has occurred countless times over the course of nearly two decades of marriage. We never planned this nightly ritual. It just happened. And now it’s reflexive. A habit. Whoever gets there first typically sets out a bowl and spoon for the other. We do it by instinct, and this seemingly inconsequential and mundane act at the end of our day has become one of the many panels in the quilt of behaviors we’ve sewn together as a couple.

Each husband and wife, knowingly or not, has dozens of deeds similar to this that he or she does out of habit—some more meaningful to the relationship than others. So take a moment to inventory a few of yours. They may have to do with how you greet each other or say good-bye in the mornings. One ritual, in fact, may be the moments you share in reading through this devotional on a daily basis.

What meaningful rituals do you have as a couple? Keep in mind, these are repeated activities that have particular significance to you. They may seem insignificant on the surface, but they carry meaning and importance to you on a deeper level, nonetheless. Rituals ground you, fortify your relationship, and provide security and comfort. So give them a little attention to ensure they keep going or perhaps even to cultivate a new one.

Rituals are repeated and coordinated activities that have significance . . . . Otherwise, it is a routine but not a ritual.

—William Doherty