The Lifeblood Of Your Relationship

The Lifeblood of Your Relationship

The believers devoted themselves to . . . fellowship.

Acts 2:42

One of the most famous timepieces on television has appeared every Sunday night for decades. The hard-hitting 60 Minutes newsmagazine’s stopwatch has been ticking away since the day it first aired on September 24, 1968. Well, almost. The actual timepiece is in the Smithsonian. Regardless of the watch itself, the notable sound of its “tick . . . tick . . . tick . . .” is synonymous with some of the most scintillating news stories on television.

For years we’ve watched the program, the most successful broadcast in television history, and it almost always generates a healthy discussion in our home. We can talk for long periods about the shady diploma mill Mike Wallace uncovered. Or the inexplicable streak of genius displayed by a savant in a story from Morley Safer. And whether he makes us smile or makes us mad, Andy Rooney is hard to ignore. As we said, the program almost always gets us talking.

And that’s the point. Talking. Did you know that communication is the very lifeblood of your relationship? And yet it is the number-one complaint most couples have about their relationships. “We just don’t communicate” is a common refrain in many counselors’ offices. Or “We never have time just to talk” is one we hear a lot. But the one that makes us cringe the most is “When we finally find the time to talk, we don’t have anything to say.”

Whether a relationship sinks or swims depends on how well a husband and wife send and receive messages, how well they use their conversations to understand and be understood. Think about it. If you are feeling especially close to your partner, it is because you are communicating well. Your spirits are up. Your love life is full. You are in tune. And when communication falls flat, when you feel stuck and you’re talking in circles, relational satisfaction drops. As we said in our book Love Talk, communication—more than any other aspect of your relationship—can either buoy relational intimacy or be the deadweight of its demise.

That’s why this aspect of your relationship can always benefit from an infusion of time. Time and talk are always a winning combination. A good conversation simply doesn’t happen while traveling at breakneck speed. Experts agree that most couples need a good sixty minutes each day to converse. Lingering over the evening meal can often serve this purpose. For some couples it means taking advantage of a quiet house when the kids are in bed. For others, maybe it means turning off the radio when driving together or turning off the TV to prioritize talking time.

When I think of talking, it is of course with a woman. For talking at its best being an inspiration, it wants a corresponding divine quality of receptiveness; and where will you find this but in woman?

—Oliver Wendell Holmes