The Great Compromise

The Great Compromise

Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Proverbs 11:2

It’s a popular idiom to communicate the idea that if people don’t do what you want, they need to change: “It’s my way or the highway.” Ever felt like that? Of course you have. If we are honest, we have all had times when we wanted something done our way while our spouses wanted it done another.

Make way for compromise. Not one of my favorite words. I (Leslie) view compromise in much the same way I view such things as sit-ups and checkbook balancing: necessary but evil.

Some people start out marriage with the belief that they shouldn’t have to compromise because they should agree on everything. That’s because during courtship they seem to agree on everything, and that seems to be the goal. But over time, different needs and issues are brought to bear on the committed relationship, and some disagreement about how to meet those needs and deal with those issues is inevitable. And if a husband and wife don’t learn to eat a little humble pie and make some compromises now and then, they might as well give up. Marriage cannot survive without compromise.

Arriving at a mutually pleasing compromise doesn’t just solve the immediate, specific problem of the conflict itself; it also ushers in a spirit of humility to the marriage. You see, selfish pride is the primary barrier to compromise in marriage. So by default, when we compromise, humility is infused into the relationship. No wonder the book of Proverbs states that when pride enters the picture it’s a disgrace, but humility cultivates wisdom.

In the next few hours think about one way you could infuse your relationship with a spirit of humility and a willingness to compromise. How can you honor a specific desire of your spouse’s that you do not share?^a

For everything you have missed, you have gained something else; and for everything you gain, you lose something.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson

^a 68