Talk About A Love Dare!

Talk about a Love Dare!

You desire honesty from the womb, teaching me wisdom even there.

Psalm 51:6

Because we seem to speak at the same conferences from time to time, Gary Thomas, author of such bestselling books as Sacred Pathways, has become a good friend. We sometimes share our thoughts about writing and speaking over dinner. And we occasionally read portions of each other’s manuscripts (offering a bit of peer critique) before they are published. And because we travel so often, we also share stories of the road.

A while back, Gary told us about a hotel manager who had grown weary of being yelled at on occasion by dissatisfied customers who expected five-star service at Motel 6 prices. One day, enduring yet another tirade, the manager couldn’t believe how rude and crazy a customer had become, and he imagined that if she saw herself in a mirror, she wouldn’t believe it either.

That thought sparked a daring idea. He put up a giant mirror behind the hotel’s front desk—and the tirades from dissatisfied customers all but ceased. When people saw how crazy they looked while yelling and screaming, they stopped.

That’s why we’re asking you to do something daring today. We’re asking you to swallow your pride and ask your partner to help you see one part of yourself that you may not be seeing on your own. We know. You’re already cringing. But this is one of the great benefits of being in a loving relationship. It’s a bit like having a mirror that can reflect something about you that you’d never see otherwise. So are you game? Can you muster the courage to ask your partner a tough question? Here it is: What’s one thing you see in me that I may have a tough time seeing myself?

Now, here’s the catch. You’ve got to receive this information without defense. It’s the only rule in this little exercise. Just receive the information by saying, “Thank you.” That’s all. Take the information in, and ponder it without coming back with explanation or defensiveness. After all, everyone has blind spots. And as Thomas Carlyle said, “The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.”

Oh, that God the gift would give us to see ourselves as others see us!

—Robert Burns