Taking Responsibility

Taking Responsibility

Pay careful attention to your own work, for then you will get the satisfaction of a job well done, and you won’t need to compare yourself to anyone else. For we are each responsible for our own conduct.

Galatians 6:4-5

A CEO has taken on a new job, and the outgoing CEO says to him, “Sometimes you’ll make wrong choices. You will. You’ll mess up. When that happens, I have prepared three envelopes for you. I left them in the top drawer of the desk. The first time it happens, open #1. The second time you mess up, open #2. The third time, open #3.”

For the first few months, everything goes fine. Then the CEO makes his first mistake, goes to the drawer, opens up envelope #1, and the message reads, “Blame me.” So he does: “This is the old CEO’s fault. He made these mistakes. I inherited these problems.” Everybody says, “Okay.” It works out pretty well.

Things go fine for a while, and then he makes his second mistake. So, he goes to the drawer and opens up envelope #2. This time he reads, “Blame the board.” And he does: “It’s the board’s fault. The board has been a mess. I inherited them. They’re the problem.” Everybody says, “Okay, that makes sense.”

Things go fine for a while, and then he makes his third mistake. So, he goes to the drawer and opens up envelope #3. The message reads: “Prepare three envelopes.”^a

The inclination to point fingers is not exclusive to CEOs. The same victim mentality and finding someone to blame can permeate a marriage, too. Once a husband or wife gets wrapped up in blaming others, a vicious cycle permeates the relationship. Soon each partner is looking for ways to avoid responsibility and shift the blame. Ever since Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent, we have learned the trick of finding excuses. Accused of wrongdoing, we respond, “I didn’t do it,” “Well, you asked for it,” or “I didn’t mean to.”

But let’s be honest. We are responsible. Nobody makes our choices for us. While we are not necessarily the cause of all that happens in our lives, we are responsible for what we make of what happens. As Scripture says, “You have been called to live in freedom. . . . But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love” (Galatians 5:13).

Don’t let your marriage become a blame game. Don’t lay the blame on your parents, schooling, income, siblings, friends, government, each other, or anything else. Take responsibility for your feelings and your actions, and watch your marriage mature.

Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole city will be clean.

—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

^a 109