Seeking Wise Counsel

Seeking Wise Counsel

When the Father sends the Advocate as my representative—that is, the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you.

John 14:26

“Are you saying I need counseling?” Caleb says with a sneer.

“Well, I think everybody needs counseling,” Michael replies.

“Look, man,” Caleb says, “I am not about to go talk to somebody I don’t even know about something that’s none of their business!”

“Look—Karen needs to respect you,” Michael says. “But just remember: a woman is like a rose—if you treat her right, she’ll bloom; if you don’t, she’ll wilt.”

“Where did you get that?” Caleb asks.

Michael smiles and says, “Counseling.”

This little dialogue from the film Fireproof underscores what we can testify is common resistance among couples to seeking wise counsel. However, as we have pointed out in our book Meditations on Proverbs for Couples, marriage therapy and even just plain good counsel from a wise friend or mentor isn’t only for embattled marriages like the character Caleb’s was.

What used to be a last resort, in fact, is now an increasingly popular option for any state of a marriage. Counselors who used to focus exclusively on the make-or-break variety of interventions are now equipping themselves for doing basic marriage tune-ups on successful relationships. And with good reason. There is so much good research and information on marriage that is just sitting around waiting for real life couples to put it to good use.

But while the stigma of going to counseling is lessening, far too many couples allow pride to stand in the way of receiving a bit of advice. It seems many couples would rather have their fingernails pulled out than visit their local marriage counselor. I suppose this shouldn’t be too surprising when you consider that therapy demands emotional vulnerability, not to mention admitting that you can’t solve every problem by yourself. That’s especially difficult for men. After all, men are socialized to repress feelings of hurt, shame, or caring. Push a young boy into the playground dirt, and he knows it’s his job to come back with a fistful of gravel rather than a face full of tears.^a

Whatever the aversion to counseling may appear to be, pride is almost always a factor. And that holds true when it comes to seeking help from the ultimate counselor—the Holy Spirit.

Preaching is personal counseling on a group basis.

—Harry Emerson Fosdick

^a 97