Reading Each Other’s Headlines

Reading Each Other’s Headlines

The words of the godly encourage many, but fools are destroyed by their lack of common sense.

Proverbs 10:21

“I didn’t know you and Gary planned a ski trip for next month,” Leslie said as I hung up the cell phone with my friend Gary.

“Sure you did,” I responded. “You were at dinner that night when I told him it would be great to meet in Colorado this winter. Don’t you remember?”

“I remember being at dinner with you and Gary, but I don’t recall any plans for a ski trip.”

Ever had one of those conversations? Or how about this one:

“What do you mean we’re going to the Campbell’s tomorrow night? You never told me about this.”

“Sure I did. Suzy and I planned this ages ago.”

Or how about this:

“Honey, did I hear you telling your dad on the phone that you landed an important contract yesterday at work?”

“Yes, I meant to tell you about that. . . .”

It seems most couples, traveling at the speed of life, don’t always have a chance to update each other on the happenings of their lives. In fact, one recent study reported that couples with kids spend less than five minutes alone together each day when they are not emotionally tuned into the television, the computer, or a smartphone. We move so quickly that when we get home and begin to wind down, our minds shift into neutral or plug into some technology that keeps us from debriefing with our spouses. It’s why you sometimes hear separating couples who have lost all sense of intimacy say, “We’ve just grown apart.”

One of the best ways to counter this experience is with a simple question we’ve been asking each other for years. At some point in the evening, after the kids are tucked in, we’ll say something like this: “What are the headlines of your life I didn’t read today?” We both know what that means. It’s our way of saying, “Bring me up to speed with anything I don’t know about you and your day.” And it’s when we report on the good and the bad, the things we accomplished and the places where we failed.

Give it a try. This simple exercise, practiced routinely, will nourish the heart of your marriage by keeping you in the know. For as E. Stanley Jones has said, “If either withholds the self, love cannot exist.”

For a marriage relationship to flourish, there must be intimacy. It takes an enormous amount of courage to say to your spouse, “This is me. I’m not proud of it—in fact, I’m a little embarrassed by it—but this is who I am.”

—Bill Hybels