One For The Guys

One for the Guys

In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.

1 Peter 3:7

Okay, we’re just three days from Valentine’s Day, and I (Les) have to tell you that in my counseling and speaking I often hear how much pressure this day creates for men. So I want to devote this meditation specifically to the guys. In fact, I want to give you a little nugget that is about as time tested as they come. You’ve heard it before, but it’s always a good reminder.

You see, in marriage, men typically don’t feel the need to seduce or to build anticipation—that’s an effort we think we no longer need to do now that we have officially wooed our partners. We come to believe that if we’re in the mood, they should be too. Of course, that’s not the case. You must elicit your wife’s desire; too often we make the mistake of simply monitoring it. We wait. We observe. We look for signs, a glimmer of an indication that she might be in the mood. That’s not the way to approach it! You need to cultivate your wife’s desire. You need to woo her.

Because of what I do for a living, every year around this time of the year I receive dozens of requests for interviews with the media. They all want an “expert” to talk about how men can make the most of this day. After doing countless call-in shows on the subject, I can tell you that most men hate this holiday. They don’t like the pressure. They feel coerced into having to buy something or do something for their wives just because it’s on the calendar. They’d rather cultivate romance and passion on their own schedules.

Well, that’s what wooing a woman is all about. So here’s what I suggest: make up your own Valentine’s Day. Write her a little note, buy her a little treat, deliver a cup of coffee to her work, let her sleep late, leave her a loving voice message. Do whatever you’d like to do—just be sure you woo her. Seduce her. This builds the anticipation for a great night of sex, whatever date is on the calendar. Now, I realize you can’t do this all the time. The point, in fact, is that this kind of wooing is to be special and surprising. But if you’re wise, you won’t just wait for Valentine’s Day to woo your wife!

Passion, though a bad regulator, is a powerful spring.

—Ralph Waldo Emerson