Love Means What?

Love Means What?

Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor.

Proverbs 29:23

On December 16, 1970, a drama premiered in movie theaters across the country and became a staggering commercial success. To this day it is considered one of the most romantic of all time by the American Film Institute.

It’s the story of Oliver Barrett, who comes from a wealthy family and a line of well-respected Harvard University graduates. At the Radcliff library, Oliver meets and falls in love with Jennifer Cavelleri, a working-class, quick-witted student. Upon graduation the two marry, against the wishes of Oliver’s father, who severs ties with his son.

Without his father’s financial support, the couple struggles to pay Oliver’s way through Harvard Law School, but they get by and he eventually graduates and takes a position in a respectable New York law firm. With Oliver’s new income, the pair of twenty-four-year-olds decides to have a child. After failing, they consult a medical specialist, who after repeated tests, informs Oliver that Jenny is ill and will soon die.

With their days together numbered, Jenny begins costly cancer therapy, and Oliver soon becomes unable to afford the multiplying hospital expenses. Desperate, he seeks financial relief from his father. When the senior Barrett asks if he needs the money because he got some girl “in trouble,” Oliver says yes instead of telling his father the truth about Jenny’s condition.

From her hospital bed, Jenny speaks with her father about funeral arrangements, then asks for Oliver. She tells him to avoid blaming himself and asks him to embrace her tightly before she dies. They lie together on the hospital bed.

When Mr. Barrett realizes that Jenny is ill and that his son borrowed the money for her, he immediately sets out for New York. By the time he reaches the hospital, Jenny is dead. Mr. Barrett apologizes to his son, who replies with something Jenny once told him: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”^a

The movie was Love Story, and the line became etched in public memory. But to this day it baffles nearly everyone who hears it. All these years later, even the actors who played the starring roles, Ryan O’Neal and Ali MacGraw, say it doesn’t ring true.

Truth is, love means having to say you’re sorry quite often. Why? Because sorrow is the humble admission of making a mistake—and we all make mistakes. Whenever we apologize we must first set aside our pride. Genuine sorrow is based on humility. There is no way around it. Paul understood this when he said, “Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up” (1 Corinthians 8:1, NIV). Perhaps he was echoing the wisdom of Proverbs: “Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom” (11:2; see also Proverbs 29:23).

Do you want to write your own love story? Be sure to generously interject these two humble words into your dialogue: I’m sorry.

Love means having to say you’re sorry every fifteen minutes.

—John Lennon

^a 183