It’s Okay To Cry

It’s Okay to Cry

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 56:8

“Don’t cry!”

“It’s okay to cry,” Leslie whimpered.

We were having lunch at a favorite restaurant, talking about I don’t know what when out of nowhere, or so it seemed, Leslie’s eyes flooded with tears. Only moments before they were sparkling with quite a different emotion.

“I know it’s okay to cry,” I confessed, “but can’t you wait until we get in the car?”

Of course, what seemed like a simple request to me only exacerbated the emotion I was insensitively trying to stifle. Leslie dabbed her eyes with a napkin, trying to retain her mascara, but the floodgates soon opened, and the tears flowed like a stream.

I can’t tell you how many times we have lived through similar scenes. And although neither of us could tell you what the underlying issues were, we can assure you that to one degree or another, tears are a part of every marriage relationship. But there’s good news about those tears: did you know that God keeps a record of your tears? The psalmist says they are listed on a scroll—in other words, in a book (see Psalm 56:8). God values our tears. And as this passage makes clear, God pays attention when we cry. Following his example, we should respect the tears of our spouses.

Part of cultivating intimacy is learning that there is no shame in tears. Sure, crying in the middle of a restaurant is nobody’s idea of a good time, but if an onlooker doesn’t understand the tenderness of tears between a married couple, that’s his or her problem!

When you allow for the full expression of your spouse’s emotions, you create a safe place for your spouse to be fully authentic. How can you make your marriage a safer place for emotional authenticity today?

The same tears that break our hearts may also nourish us in ways that matter most to God.

—Philip Yancey