I’m Only Joking

I’m Only Joking

Just as damaging as a madman shooting a deadly weapon is someone who lies to a friend and then says, “I was only joking.”

Proverbs 26:18-19

Leslie and I were in the middle of a joint project and had just resolved a small tiff with the conclusion that I needed to be more patient with her differing work style. She is process oriented, relational, and unruffled, while I am far more task oriented, sequential, and time conscious in tackling a project. And because I push myself hard most of the time, I can, admittedly, push others (including my wife) and become irritatingly impatient.

Well, as I said, we had just resolved this squabble (or so we thought) when only a few minutes later the following words tumbled out of my mouth: “Can’t you pick up the pace a little here; we’re never going to meet our deadline at this rate?”

Leslie looked at me in sheer amazement, made a quick study of my facial expression, determined that I was serious, and burst into tears.

I would have done anything to rewind the clock thirty seconds at that point, but it was too late. I winced, but I could not deny that my true feelings had seeped out, and I could do nothing to retract them. Or could I? In a vain attempt to do just that, I resorted to a knee-jerk response invented for just such an occasion. With as much sincerity as I could muster, I uttered the infamous: “I was only joking!”

Yeah, right. Leslie and I both knew I wasn’t joking. It’s one of the oldest tricks in the book—literally. Solomon must have used it himself or heard it used plenty to have written the proverb that is today’s verse.

Somehow, if we can convince another person that a harmful statement was made as a joke, we think we’ll be off the hook. But this is just another sneaking way of avoiding responsibility. When we cover over a hurtful remark with the “I-was-only-joking” line, it does nothing but add insult to injury in the relationship. It’s downright deceitful. And according to Solomon, it’s like shooting a deadly weapon. Don’t fall victim to the temptation to use humor as a cover for a sharp word—especially one aimed at your spouse.

A word rashly spoken cannot be brought back by a chariot and four horses.

—Chinese Proverb