I’ll Change Her

I’ll Change Her

Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy.

Ephesians 4:23-24

A young bride to be was very nervous on the day before her wedding, so she went to speak with her minister. “I’m afraid I might not make it through the ceremony properly,” she confessed.

The minister assured her that everything would be fine: “When you enter the church tomorrow and the processional begins, you will be walking down the same aisle you’ve walked many times before. Concentrate on that aisle. When you get halfway down the aisle, you’ll see the altar, where you and your family have worshiped for many years. Concentrate on that altar. Then, when you’re almost to the altar, you will see your groom, the one you love. Concentrate on him.”

The bride was relieved and left to prepare for her big moment. The next day, she walked down the aisle with her chin up and eyes bright—a beautiful, confident bride. But those along the center were a bit surprised to hear her muttering over and over: “Aisle, altar, him. Aisle, altar, him.”

The “I’ll alter him” mantra may not have been conscious for this new bride, but it’s an outright expectation for some. On most Saturdays, you’ll find us in a church somewhere in the country giving a day-long marriage seminar. And soon into the start of the day we often pose a task to the couples in the crowd: name one common myth of marriage. In other words, we want them to think of a familiar misconception that some couples hold. Inevitably, someone will say something along the lines of, “I’ll change him after we marry.” It’s a common notion—but an obvious falsehood.

You can’t change your spouse. A person has to want to change in order to make true and lasting behavior modifications. So what you can change is yourself. That’s why we pose a different question for you today: what’s one thing you’d like to change about yourself that would make you a better marriage partner?

I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one’s wife happy. First, let her think she’s having her own way. And second, let her have it.

—Lyndon B. Johnson